Megs Five

Letting go...

2012-02-16T10:30:00.003-05:00

Shame...Websters Dictionary gives the following definition:

: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety : the susceptibility to such emotion

: a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute

: something that brings censure or reproach; also

:something to be regretted

A few weeks ago, I watched the video of a dear friend, Lauren, give her testimony. I was struck with her honesty and openness about things in her past...drinking, drugs, and overall depraved and dangerous lifestyle...one I'm very familiar with. I was extremely thankful she was willing to describe these things, talk about them & admit them because in doing so, we're also able to see the amazing transformation God has allowed in her life, only possible because of Jesus.

Psalm 145:8
"The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love."

Shame is a powerful tool in Satan's toolbox.

James 1:17
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

We know that feelings of guilt, shortcoming, and disgrace are not from our Father. I think Satan uses shame to keep us from fully sharing how God has transformed us. Not all of us have the same experiences as Lauren (or myself) did before we became a Christian. We know that God's plans are different for everyone. But, if we're all honest, we all find so much peace and comfort from the testimonies of those who have been so wretched, so seemingly unforgivable, unlovable; where they've hit a massive rock bottom, only to become fully broken laying at the feet of Jesus... desperately begging Him for a new life, purpose, relief.

2 Corintians 5:17
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"

Satan wants us to feel shame, because in our shame we are quiet. How can we possibly reach others for Jesus if we are quiet? How can we make someone want the hope we have if we are quiet? How on earth could we make someone see that even in their sin (our sin), Jesus loves them (loves me)? Shame is a hindrance. Shame is a roadblock.

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

Yes Lord, I will share what you've done for me.

I'm giving up the shame of purposeful disrespect growing up (sorry Mom and Dad)....trading it for the freedom ONLY Christ gives.

I'm giving up the shame of not being spotless before my groom....trading it in because I am a new creation.

I'm giving up the shame of failing everyday as a mother....trading it in because of the freedom I have in Christ.

I'm giving up the shame of all the times I spent drunk or high...because as a believer, I am white as snow in the eyes of my Savior.

I'm giving up the shame of being angry with God for allowing Nolan to be born with Williams Syndrome...trading it because He knows my every thought & His ways are better than mine.

I share these shamefulthings because I don't want to be a tool for Satan, but rather, a weapon for Jesus.

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

What are you ashamed of? Tell Him... because He already knows, and He so desperately wants to relieve you from the burden.

You can have freedom from shame with a life lived for Christ. Today, join me in letting go.

Galatians 5:1
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

We have a need

2012-02-15T10:38:00.000-05:00

This is an extremely boring blog post, however, I felt as if this might be the best way to get the word out to the masses. Brandon will be coaching Varsity baseball at Bethesda Christian School this spring. We also own a mowing business that gets busy right around the same time that Brandon will get really busy with baseball games. We have hired a very responsible teen to cover the mowing business for Brandon so that he can focus on baseball. The Lord was extremely gracious in providing this answer to prayer. Brandon will be traveling a half hour north to Brownsburg from our home here in Plainfield 5 days a week after school. During baseball season, we would like to be able to leave our truck here at our home after school so that our teen can come and get it and do the mowing. This means we are in need of another vehicle to get Brandon to and from Brownsburg during baseball season. We have considered purchasing something, but, it currently seems silly since we will only need the vehicle for 7-8 weeks. Also, our desire would be to eventually purchase another truck for Brandon that all 5 of us can fit in (our current truck only seats 3, which makes things a little tricky when the van isn't available), while leaving our current truck for the mowing business. Trying to be good stewards however, we would like to have our van paid off before another vehicle purchase.

So, why am I blogging about this? Well, if you know a family who has a college student who is away and their car is sitting, would you mention this to them? Do you know an elderly person who can't drive anymore, but, they have a car that is sitting (my grandpa did before he passed)? Or any other situation where a person might be willing to "loan" a vehicle for 7-8 weeks, would you mind passing this along?

We are not specific in taste. We care nothing about what the vehicle looks like, how old it is, what color, etc. We would prefer something with good gas mileage.

We've prayed at length about this, and will continue to do so. The Lord provided clear open doors, that led to us being in this situation and we know he will continue to provide.

2012-01-17T10:32:00.000-05:00

The mommy in this picture is Natalie, and I "met" her on Facebook a little over a year ago. We have two pretty big things in common...#1 We're sisters in Christ and #2 We each were chosen by God to raise a child with Williams syndrome.

The precious little girl in this picture that Natalie is holding is, Abby. Abby's heart condition, due to Williams syndrome, had gotten bad enough that they will be operating on January 25th.

Pray for Abby's safety under anesthesia.
Pray for a successful and safe surgery.
Pray for John and Natalie that they would have peace and comfort during this time.

John and Natalie, Abby, Chandler & Micah, we're praying.

"Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

It's nothing genius really...

2012-01-17T09:41:00.003-05:00

Sometime late November I started using this dry erase board in our kitchen for prayer requests. It's on the wall to the left when I'm standing at the sink. I've always been terrible about using a list when I pray. I would write requests down but then rarely pull it from my Bible. So, I started this. I'd used the board last year when I had home schooled Aubrey, and then it's just been hanging there, blank, for months.

It's nothing genius really...

I realize it's nothing impressive or ground breaking, but it is a rather fantastic idea...even if I'm not the first to do it.

As I looked over from doing dishes a few days ago, I became utterly amazed that this board really needed some updating. Many requests had been answered...a few not...some not in the way I'd wanted or expected...but many had.

The Lord is sufficient to meet ALL of our needs...and I needed some encouragement... encouragement in the form of seeing God at work.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19

The requests that are now circled in black are the requests that have been answered. We're so thankful that the biopsy for Brandon's grandma was benign and that she's recovering well and starting back to work this week. We're so thankful that our friend Chase, had a successful surgery and recovery. We're so grateful the Lord has provided someone to take the over the mowing business while Brandon coaches baseball this spring. One request was a closed door on a job opportunity, but, we're praying the Lord's direction and provision in that situation.

I'm going to leave the board this way for a few more days so that my prayers can be of thanksgiving and praise for what God is doing. He's always at work, even when I can't see.

Open my eyes, that I may see
Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me;
Place in my hands the wonderful key
That shall unclasp and set me free.

In a few days, I'll be adding some new requests. I would love to pray for you.

2012-01-15T17:45:00.000-05:00

This might be really hard to believe, but, I tend to be withdrawn and quiet when I'm in pain or struggling. During each of my 3 labors, I would just roll over, hold on to the side of the bed, close my eyes and be silent. I didn't yell, I didn't shout or even get grouchy. I do believe during Aubrey's birth, this was somewhat of a surprise to Brandon. Even during Nolan's labor, I was politely asked by 3 nurses (one nurse was mine and the other two nurses had two different women laboring) if since I was "handling labor so well' if I wouldn't mind if the other two ladies could get their epidural first.

So, because I'm quiet and not carrying on like a crazy person, you want me to wait?

Would you mind?

Actually, yes, I would mind, but, go ahead.

So, I agreed and waited, quietly, while the other two women got their epidural.

I tell you this only to admit that I'm struggling. Not because circumstances are bad, or something major has happened. I'm not struggling because I have things worse than you do. I'm struggling, I think, because the Lord's doing a work in me. I don't think struggling is a sign of weakness, but, rather, a sign that we're mold able, breakable only able to be repaired by Jesus.

I was reminded during a wonderful sermon last Sunday that He never leaves. I knew this. But, sometimes just knowing this doesn't cut it for me. I know a lot of things, but taking it in and allowing it to change me, that's where I fail. In Joshua 1, when Moses had died, and Josh was the new leader, the Lord laid out what He had in store for his people. Verse 5 says, "No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life, as I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." I need to meditate on this. To meditate means to mutter. I need to mutter both day and night...meaning to both of these extremes and everything in between.

He is with me, He is with me, He is with me...I'm struggling, but, He says He'll never leave.

During my quietness I wrestle with life. I wrestle with wondering when will this medial debt be gone and wondering if there will ever be a time for Brandon and I where we don't always live paycheck to paycheck, only providing for ourselves the necessities. We're not living high on the hog here folks. We haven't taken a vacation in 7 years. We will often go a week and a half with about $15 until the next payday. All at the same time, I find myself so overwhelmingly grateful that the Lord always does allow us to make it. We have never gone without food, I know of others who have. We've never not paid a bill. I know others who have. When I get to heaven, will it matter that we never took a family vacation...just the five of us, where we didn't worry about money? We have so many great memories together as a family not on a beach, or airplane, or with mouse ears on. No, it won't matter in heaven.

He is with me, He is with me, He is with me...I'm struggling, but, He says He'll never leave.

I'm struggling with the fact that Aubrey will be in second grade next year, Adelynne will likely be in all day kindergarten, and Nolan will attend developmental preschool 4-5 mornings a week. I will do the morning school run and.then.come.home.alone. These kids overwhelm me. They stress me out. They can make me crazy. Sadness comes as I think about my girls being "school aged," and Nolan's pre-school childhood being cut short. I struggle with sadness and fear of being alone. I struggle with the "what's next" phase for myself in this transition. At the same time, I'm overwhelmed with God's goodness to bring us to BCS and the opportunities our kiddos will have there. I'm grateful for a little time alone as I've been home being mom for 7 years now. I'm grateful we've made it this far, with everyone still in one piece. I'm grateful for these amazing beings I get to call my children while the Lord still allows.

He is with me, He is with me, He is with me...I'm struggling, but, He says He'll never leave.

And if we're being really honest, I'm struggling with the fact that I feel like Megan is trapped in someone else's body. I told someone this morning that I'm really ok with being chubby. And, most days it seems that I am. But, if I were really, truly, honest, with you, with myself, that wouldn't be entirely true. The first year of Nolan's life, I became an emotional eater. Sure I gained weight with all my pregnancies and lost most of it after both girls, but, Nolan, whoa, a whole different story. I didn't get a chance to work on losing the pregnancy pounds before the stress, choas and utter paralyzing fear overtook me and I began to eat. I've created really bad habits and have tried to no avail to really do anything about it. I've felt powerless, like it's just something I cannot.get.a.grip.on.by.myself. I tell Brandon all the time that I'm wasting good genes. Have you seen my mom? I have great genetics and I'm wasting it on self medication with food. Yet, I feel so blessed to be in good health and to have a sweet hubby who doesn't care if I'm a little chubby. I feel like the fact that Nolan is doing as well as he is currently was completely worth each extra pound...even if I don't feel like myself.

He is with me, He is with me, He is with me...I'm struggling, but, He says He'll never leave.

And while I struggle with the back and forth of being Megan, and my complete and utter gratefulness to the Lord for this life He's given, and all the amazing things in between, I just wanted to say:

Hey, I'm here, I'm ok, the Lord's working, I'm going to allow Him to mold me into whatever He's got for me. In my quietness, He's at work in my struggle. It's only in my weakness that He's strong, so, I know He's at work.

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. The you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8&9

Might be the longest blog post, EVER, but, totally worth the read

2011-12-05T12:37:00.000-05:00

Each Christmas, I allot about $50 for Christmas cards, pictures, and postage. This year, Brandon and I have decided to surprise the kids with a carriage ride downtown to see the circle of lights instead. Plus, I figure everyone gets tired of reading my long winded letters anyway, right? Don't answer that! :)

This year I'm blogging my Christmas letter. Innovative, I know;) Read it, or, don't. You might want to though, our kids are pretty cute.

Compared to the most recent years, 2011 has been pretty stable. No major surgeries, diagnosis's, or major happenings. And, for that, we are extremely thankful to the Lord.

After last Christmas, we were very excited to see the spring come. While Brandon wrapped up his fourth year of teaching, I wrapped up Aubrey's kindergarten year of homeschooling. She played softball and really loved it.

She started full day 1st grade at Bethesda Christian School this fall. It's been an adjustment for her. While she loves being social, she will sometimes say, "I just want to stay home with you mommy. Can't we just tell them I'm sick?" She's very bright and so far is doing great academically. She enjoys reading, Bible memory, and her "bfffffffffffff (that's best friend:) Noelle. She had her 7th birthday in October. We had our typical family party and then we allowed her to invite 3 friends over for an evening for a "friend party." It was a ton of fun.

This fall also brought the most exciting moment of her life so far. Aubrey committed her life to Christ. Praise the Lord!

Most recently, Aubrey had ten inches of her hair cut off and donated to Locks of Love. I shrieked when they cut it off and she said, "It's just hair mom, it grows back." Ahhh, 7 year old perspective. I'm very proud of her for giving such a gift.

Being Aubrey's mommy is a blessing, and yet a challenge. We're constantly battling sin nature and trying to instill character qualities. She has a very tender heart, and an untouched imagination. When she's home, she loves playing with Barbie's, creating a "Fancy Nancy style beauty spa," and crafting. She's still in love with her daddy and loves being at home for movie nights and cuddling.

Adelynne finished her first year of preschool this past spring.

This fall, once we drop Aubrey and bub (more about that in a minute) off at school, she and I have 2 mornings a week to hang out. We like to go to the library, meet up with friends, color or do puzzles. I was concerned about her being the "odd man out," but it's been a blessing to have some time with just Adelynne.

The older this girl gets, we realize more and more that she is a carbon copy of her daddy. Not only does she look just like him, but, she's got his temperament and attention to detail. This girl could color quietly for hours. She loves to help me fold towels. She's the queen of "one liners," and has the sweetest laugh. She loves to go to the library for story time and loves to play on the computers there. She's the sweetest helper with Nolan, and I've very much enjoyed watching their relationship deepen since it's just the 2 of them at home now.

She's turning 5 next week and it's hard to believe. We celebrated her birthday yesterday so that her special day doesn't get lost in the Christmas shuffle.

Nolan bug wrapped up almost 3 years of therapy through Indiana First Steps in June, on his third birthday. This means we had to say goodbye to his therapists who had been coming to our house weekly to "play" with Nolan. Karen, Nolan's physical therapist who had been with him since he was 5 months old, was very hard to see move on. She helped him learn to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, run, etc. We're so thankful to her for all she meant to our family.

We were able to hire Nolan's speech therapist, Kaycie, to continue his services privately at home through the summer and school year. Nolan loves her so much and gets so excited when he knows she's coming. In the fall, Nolan began developmental preschool 2 mornings a week. He really seems to be doing well. While he struggles with paying attention and is very distractable, we're excited that he's identifying shapes and his name as well as starting to catch on to colors. He continues to surprise us with his abilities. He managed to fairly easily potty train this fall, although we struggle with where it's appropriate to poop:)

Our best news for Nolan from the year was that his heart "passed inspection" for the next year. Nolan has mild aortic stenosis & moderate mitral valve stenosis and leakage. Each year we have his heart checked to see if the condition has worsened. Once the mitral valve conditions move from moderate to severe, they will want to operate. We know this is likely, but, we are extremely thankful to have another year that the Nolan's heart condition hasn't changed.

This boy is a tornado of activity who is an absolute joy. His presence and affection melt my heart, even if he's just dumped ketchup everywhere... oh boy! He's all boy who loves swords, guns, and wrestling with daddy. At the same time, he'll come to me and say, "Where's Barbie?" I couldn't imagine life with out him.

Brandon is now in his fifth year of teaching and still loves what he does. He just wrapped up the second season of owing our own mowing business. We are excited for this coming spring as he will be the head baseball coach at Bethesda.

I'm still an at home mommy and consider it a blessing most days. I spend a lot of time running kids to and from school and chasing Nolan in between. I'm thankful for the blessing of being married to my best friend 9 years on December 21st. I couldn't imagine doing life without him.

Some highlights from this year...

1. First every Nolan's Walk for Williams: The event was to encourage other families in the same boat that we are, raise awareness for Williams syndrome, and money for the WSA. We raise almost $8000 and had over 200 attend.

2. Family trip to General Butler in June: aunts, uncles, and grandparents....so much fun

3. In July Brandon and I took the girls to Kings Island for a marathon 2 days of rides, water park and concerts. We had a ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Trips to the park for creek stompin' and hiking.

5. Adventures with cousins

6. End of summer party with great friends

7. Annual trip to the orchard/pumpkin patch

Psalm 100:5 "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."

2011 was another year the Lord granted, and we are thankful.

Praying the Lord's richest blessings this CHIRSTmas season for your family.

Love,

Megan

2011-11-16T10:18:00.002-05:00

There are a million things I should be doing right now, and, by I million, I literally mean a million. Sometimes when there's so much to do, I often "check out" and read or blog rather than get busy. I've noticed the accelerated speed of our lives recently has caused the blog to suffer. I know you all sit and wait expectantly for each of my blogs....ahem, right? ;)

This post is going to be a little different as it is actually written by by husband. He doesn't know I'm sharing this, but, as I prepared to share during a recent Moms and Tots at church, I came across something Brandon had written back this spring. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, so, I wanted to share it with you all.

You faithful blog readers have only heard my side of our struggles, growth and changed perspective since our Nolan was born. Here is the perspective from the husband, daddy, and faithful seeker of Christ. I love that his perspective is different than mine (could you imagine if we were both a hot mess like me?:). I love his ability to accept knowledge....actually, I just love that he does . just. accept. Be blessed.

Brandon: So, “why” is the question that has plagued us from the beginning. The question has brought us sadness, anger, and confusion. But more importantly God has poked and prodded us to earnestly seek the answer. While it still seems unfair and sometimes surreal, we have begun to better understand that God’s ways are not always our ways. One of my first thoughts when we received Nolan’s diagnosis, was “my punishment has finally been delivered.” I can’t believe it now, but for most of my life I felt that eventually God would have his fill of my sinful ways, and give me a smack down, so to speak. I was living my life in a sort of bondage of self righteousness. I knew Christ, and I had accepted his free gift of salvation, but I still felt that I had to bear my own punishment. Living with that burden often creates fear, guilt, and frustration. No matter what, I will always fall short. On my own, without relying on the Spirit of God in me, I fail. I struggled with why God would use an innocent child as a vehicle for punishment. Through some needed counsel, prayer, and God revealing himself through his Word, my twisted understanding of my relationship with God was revealed. Though looking back I feel a little embarrassed for not understanding this, but God did not give us Nolan as some sort of punishment for some unforgivable sin. God does not punish His children for being inadequate. He has delivered us from our inadequacy. Romans 8: 1-2 says, “¹Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” And Romans 6: 23, “²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” That’s it…. the punishment is death, but Christ bore that punishment when he offered himself up on the cross. Christ’s sacrifice is sufficient. Even though we face trials, they are meant for our refining. We found comfort in Romans 8: 28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” God is always growing us, sharpening us, and giving us opportunities to glorify Him.

Deep breath… so if we are not being punished, God must have a different purpose for this detour from our plans. We still feel sometimes like, “God why have you chosen our family to use in this way?” But he always pulls us back in. He reminds us, “Hey, I’m God. I’ve got this. Just trust in me and enjoy the ride.” He entrusted us with Nolan to accomplish His purposes. Nolan is such a blessing to our family and honestly, everyone who meets him. It is truly amazing to think about the journey that God has taken us on thus far. From the sadness and utter despair when this all began to the peace and joy that we are able to experience now. We have been given the privilege to have our perspective on life completely changed in a powerful way by God. The expectations that we had for our family and our children seem to not be nearly as important as they once did. We’re human, so we still like to be in the driver’s seat, but we are definitely looking for God’s leading in a way that we never did before He gave us Nolan.

Motor boat, motor boat, step on the gas....

2011-10-17T10:19:00.001-04:00

Since the beginning of August, Brandon and I have watched Aubrey's "growing up" go into full acceleration. Maybe parents of older kiddos out there remember that happening to their child around the age of 7. While much of it is super fun and exciting (especially since much of that maturing is related to her spiritual life), it's sad for me to see her really growing up, yet at the same time, I've looked forward to aspects of this "growing up" that might make my life a little easier...I'm somewhat regretting that desire...it's happening right before my eyes....oh oh, slow it down a little please....

August brought Aubrey's first day of first grade at Bethesda Christian School. The story of how God provided this opportunity is a whole other blog post, but, we are super excited to have her there. It was, however, very difficult for me as she is now gone all day 5 days a week. I'm so thankful to have been home with her these last almost seven years...man I'm grateful.

For those of you who know her, it wouldn't be surprising that she has made some sweet friends, memorizing scripture, learning SO MUCH, and enjoying EVERY moment of the school experience. While we miss her each day, the other two and I have done some pretty fun stuff (that's another blog post too :).

Shortly after school started, Awana (Wednesday night kids program at church) began and both girls have been enjoying that. They each have a lesson to work on each week with accompanying memory verses. In the last several weeks, Aubrey's reading the Bible ON HER OWN, and going through her Awana book and memorizing her verses on her own. I sat down with her last night to go over her next lesson and she had already read and memorized 3 new verses. Holy Cow! In the midst of this, Aubrey made a decision to accept Christ as her Savior. With no prompting from anyone but the Holy Spirit, she, with a child like faith and awe of the sacrifice, prayed through tears to Her Maker. I had the privilege of being present,
thank you Lord Jesus.
Since then she's asked to use birthday money to buy Bibles for people who don't know about Jesus, "because, that's what we're supposed to do, right?" She's so on fire to learn more and more, and Brandon's been taking her (and Adelynne too) though the Bible as well, focusing on character qualities. I was reading Proverbs 1 at breakfast one day and she said, "Where's that in Bible? I want to read that too." She prayed last night, "Please Jesus, help Adelynne and Nolan to know that they sin too and that they can't get to heaven without you. Help them to accept you as their Savior too." Her zeal and passion are sweet, awesome, and exciting....convicting, humbling, and make me want to be better...growing too...with her...
thank you Jesus for calling her to You!
Deuteronomy 29:29 "The secret things belong to the Lord, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law."

Aubrey turned 7 on October 7th, and we celebrated Fancy Nancy style. Even daddy went all out.

Man am I thankful for this girl!!!

Even with all the changes, God stays the same.
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8
The same Jesus that is pouring out blessing after blessing after blessing lately is the same Jesus that has walked us through the saddest and most devastating times...and the same for whatever may come.

"To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd. You save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty. You, O Lord keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless." Psalm 18: 25-30

Have your way in our family Lord. For your glory, we're yours.

Motor boat, motor boat, step on the gas...I'm praying for full speed acceleration for Jesus!

A little heavy?

2011-09-12T11:16:00.000-04:00

If you were to die today, what would happen? Where would you go? Would you just cease to exist? Or, do you believe what the Bible says? Would it be heaven or hell?

A little heavy this morning? Maybe...especially since I haven't blogged since June, it's like whoa Megan, chill. While I might like to do a post about some of our fun summer activities, or Nolan's first day of preschool, or Aubrey's first days of first grade...or even my recent adventures with Adelynne, my initial questions seem more urgent and more important...and quite frankly, heavy on my heart.

There is a celebrity who is an atheist, a very outspoken atheist, who has been vocal about his frustrations with Christians who don't share their faith with others. While he doesn't believe in God, heaven or hell, he finds it alarming that someone who believes that if someone doesn't accept Jesus that they would burn for eternity, why wouldn't they share that with someone they believe is destined for hell? He said, "You must really hate someone to not share your gospel with them knowing they will be going to hell." I found that so convicting. Those of you that read this blog, I love you enough to tell you the truth.

I believe what the Bible says. John 3:16-21 says that those who do not trust in Jesus as their Savior are condemned. I recently explained to Aubrey that not everyone who dies will go to heaven. "You have a choice Aubrey, love Jesus and trust him as your only savior, and when you die, you will go to heaven. Don't trust in Jesus as your savior, and when you die, you will wake up in hell." We talked about hell some. I was a little hesitant to do so, as, I don't want to scare her into a relationship with Christ. I want her relationship to come from the weight of her sin. But, at the same time, the reality is, that what the Bible says isn't ambiguous...it's very clear. 2 choices!

I am a sinner...an impatient, sharp tongued, sometimes inappropriate human being, full of many flaws. I've made MANY mistakes. My life especially in late high school and early college, was a life, I so desperately want my children to avoid. Not only did I do things that were wrong, but, I felt lost, desperately lost, hopeless, and down right unhappy. I got to a point where I just felt as if I could not go on any longer this way. But, guilt and shame seemed to always be around...like I could never measure up to what the "christian life" was supposed to be like. How could I ever measure up? I understood however, that there was no way out without accepting Jesus. Once that recognition of sin came, and making Jesus the center of my life, the other stuff came. I began to realize that Jesus doesn't want perfection, because if I'm perfect, no one sees Him, and how He can transform even to most wretched of sinners, which was how I felt. The Bible gives many examples of Jesus spending his time with people that that so desperately needed him while the ones who felt they were righteous turned away. Even His disciples, were not men of perfection or wealth. Matthew 9:12 says, "Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but, the sick. But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" My word...He wants me.

Jesus doesn't care what you wear (to church or anywhere), He doesn't care what you're addicted to (pornography, drugs, etc), He doesn't care what you've done (good or bad), he doesn't care if you have piercings, or tatoos, or if you abuse your spouse. He went to the cross knowing that if you trusted in Him, that His blood would cover ALL of that. He also knew that even if you've been good all your life, and you didn't choose Him in this life, you would spend an eternity in hell. Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Please, if you are unsure of your eternal destination, accept Jesus today. Make Him the Lord of your life...the rest will come. Don't make excuses for why you shouldn't, He doesn't care...He loved you enough the die for you.

If you were to die today, what would happen? Where would you go? Would you just cease to exist? Or, do you believe what the Bible says? Would it be heaven or hell? I love you enough to ask.

Please listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5c0N-DpfLR4

2011-06-16T17:40:00.000-04:00

2 weeks ago today (June 3, 2011), we were in Carrollton Kentucky on a Freeland (my mom's side) family vacation. We stay at a state park in cabins and spend our time visiting, swimming in the pool, eating and talking by a campfire. The girls love going and look forward to it. My mom has four sisters and all of them were able to come this year. We had a nice time and came home exhausted:)

June 3, 2009, 2 years ago, we received Nolan's Williams syndrome diagnosis. I'd known for a long time something was wrong which made the diagnosis somewhat of a relief. But, I won't lie, a little bit of me died that day, and that's not all necessarily bad. The Lord allows things in our life to change us, to shape us, to stretch us, and I'd never been so stretched in all my life....and it's ongoing. I believe one reason the Lord allowed this in my life specifically was to deepen my dependence on Him. I enjoy planning and having things in place...especially when I go to bed at night. Our house doesn't need to be clean, but for me, I need it picked up before I go to bed. I need toys put away, dishes in the dishwasher, and coffee loaded for the next morning. I get overwhelmed if I wake up in the morning to clutter, I need a clean slate. This is the only way to describe in a relate-able way, the first 2 years of Nolan's life...our life and family seemed to always been in a state of overwhelming clutter...a proverbial sink full of dirty dishes all the time, dusty wood floors, toys everywhere, and a constant state of disarray. No matter how much I pushed myself to "clean up" it never seemed to go away. I couldn't make it go away. And, I would wake up every morning to this. I would go to bed knowing I'd wake up to the "mess."

The only way to cope, really, would be to just try and not let the "mess" bother me. I'd try to focus on that day and what needed to be done, trying to cope with parts of the "mess" that were manageable. Let's be honest, no one ever died from a messy house, or piles of laundry. Some of the days weren't quite so good and the "mess" would really get to me. The side of Megan that could plan, plan, plan, and put everything in perfect order, and plan, plan, plan, and think about the future died 2 years ago on June 3rd. That side of Megan not only died, but, it truly could no longer exist. There's honestly no place for it in my life. I can't say, "in 5 years I'll be a nurse (where my passion is) and working 2 days a week while my kids are in school" because, well, I can't say that all my kids will be in school, on a full time basis without needed help from me. I can't say, "when my kids are grown and gone Brandon and I will travel" because, I don't know that all my kids will leave the nest. I can't say "when Nolan gets married" because it's unlikely he will marry.

My new, God given perspective and thought process is more like:

Lord, please allow Nolan to feel accepted and loved so that he doesn't experience what I read about most kids & adults with Williams do as they get older. Please spare him from ridicule and feelings of inadequacy so that he withdraws.

Lord, please protect the girls from feelings of resentment because sometimes our lives revolve around Nolan's needs and abilities.

Lord, if it be your will, would you allow Nolan's abilities to shatter the medical books so that his accomplishments could be far reaching for you...to show the world that Jesus can do anything.

Lord, when the mitral valve replacement becomes necessary, please protect Nolan.

Lord, so many children with WS die young as their little hearts just can't hold up or from other complications. I don't know Lord why you've allowed us to keep Nolan this long, but I ask Lord that you don't take him home to be with you until I've already passed as I don't know if I could withstand losing that little boy.

Thank you Lord Jesus for allowing us to have Nolan, that he is still here on this earth with us.

While some things in me died on June 3, 2009, many things came alive in me as well. A fresh, new, greater perspective began with the realization and true understanding that this life on earth is merely just a breath. This life can be hard, and some hands that are dealt are difficult, but, what do we do with that hand?

I want all of my children to have a deep fulfilling relationship with Jesus. The only relationship that will truly matter. The only relationship that will ever bring true peace and acceptance. The only relationship that will satisfy and never change.

Saturday brings about Nolan's 3rd birthday. 2 weeks ago we mourned a very sad day. But this week, we are celebrating so many of Nolan's accomplishments. His last session with his physical therapist, Karen, (who has been with Nolan since he was 5 months old) brought the realization that when she started with Nolan he was a limp baby that couldn't hold his head up. Now, Nolan the 3 year old, is running, jumping, climbing and just a half step behind his peers. This is a fact that brings all of us, including Karen, so much thankfulness.

I take great comfort in this passage,

Romans 8:31-39
³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[j]

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Nolan's Walk for Williams 2011

2011-05-23T14:39:00.000-04:00

I'm wrapping up the loose end of Nolan's Walk for Williams today. I'm overwhelmed with all the help and support we received for the event and I am so very thankful. We had over 200 people attend with over $4000 raised for the William Syndrome Association! Here are some highlights from the day:

Thank you to all of our sponsors!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was so neat seeing a sea of orange shirts all walking together to raise awareness for Williams syndrome!

The Chic-fil-a cow came!

Adelynne and her friend Rachel

Nolan kept very busy all day... We gave him the title of "Grand Marshall"

My dad, Nolan, my sister, and my mom

Sweet little Dallin

Susan, Tracy, Sarah, Kendal and Jordan

The Paschal's!

Great friends!

More sweet faces from the day...

Thanks again to all who participated, donated and prayed!

I know, I know

2011-05-20T14:10:00.000-04:00

It's no secret my life is a fast paced, crazy hectic vortex of caring for 3 children. Being a stay-at-home mom is a blessing, and I wouldn't trade it. I've never had a moment in the last 6 1/2 years (yes, that's how long I've been at home) where I've regretted being home everyday with my kids. Now, that doesn't mean there haven't been moments of frustration and desperation where I think to myself, I've got to get a job or I might go crazy in this house with these kids....it's actually happened a few times:) Life with 3 kids at home, homeschooling a 6 year old, getting a preschooler to school 2 days a week, 3 rounds of therapy for the boy, keeping up with the things around the house, being Brandon's helper as he teaches during the day and runs our mowing business in the evening...it's exhausting, it's hard, and it's consuming. I know I get consumed by it. It's hard not to. Not only is it my life, but, it's my job, my responsibility...and it's my joy. Just because I don't get in my car and punch in and punch out somewhere doesn't mean I don't try as best as I can to be great at my job. And when I think about it like that, I'm reminded of the fact that I don't get to punch in and out. I'm always mom. Someone will always need something. Something will always needs to be done. There's no quitin' time. And, that's ok. When viewed like that, it can be a little more understandable that being a mom just really might be consuming.

At the same time, I need to be able to remove myself mentally from my job when given the opportunity and try more at relating to other people, their jobs, their lives, their work, etc. I realize I don't do a great job at that because I can't seem to separate myself from my family. While I should be putting God first, Brandon second, my kids third, it seems at times there isn't a ton of energy left for others. I need to be better at that. I'm going to work on it.

I'm blessed to be the wife to Brandon, the mother to Aubrey, Adelynne, and Nolan. Sometimes, although, I do feel as though Megan gets lost in the shuffle. It's no one's fault but my own. I've often said that while motherhood is one of the greatest experiences in life, it's also a life of never ending guilt. We always, as mothers seems to question each and every decision we make. Here's Megan's mind sometimes when it comes down to doing things for myself....

"I should go to the gym, but, I feel bad leaving."

"I desperately need a haircut, but, I feel guilty spending the money."

"I want to meet, (fill in the blank), for coffee (or dinner) but I feel bad leaving AND I feel guilty spending the money!"

I'm quite content being a mother for now, I feel God has called me to be their mother. I'm content. Sometimes I feel scattered, stretched, stressed and spent. Yet, I'm happy. I feel blessed. These thoughts aren't meant to sound like a pitty party for Megan. Matter fact, I hope this post conveys the opposite. I simply a busy mom, admitting that at times she's consumed in her hectic life, who needs to spend more time thinking of others.

Seasons

2011-05-18T10:49:00.003-04:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

2a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

This past weekend was the first Nolan's Walk for Williams here in Plainfield (if you would like to still donate, you can until June 1st, http://www.williams-syndrome.org/nolans-walk-williams) . Brandon and I have spent the last 3 months knee deep in the planning for this event. We had 119 registered, but we estimate over 200 showed up. The forecast showed rain for the day with thunderstorms. Not a drop hit the ground that day! Countless people approached us during and after the event about how nice it was to just relax with family and friends while being encouraged. The event was also featured in the Hendricks County Flyer, http://flyergroup.com/local/x377182983/Walk-brings-awareness-to-Williams-Syndrome, which helps raise awareness for Williams Syndrome even more. I think it's safe to say we've been on a high reveling in God's grace and His goodness since the event....a time to heal, a time to laugh, a time to dance, a time to mend, and a time to speak. We've often wondered what God's plan is for our family through Nolan, and I believe God wants us to be bold in loving and caring for other families, encouraging them, sharing in our weakness, because in our weakness His strength is so mighty. I've often wondered what it would be like to be on this journey without the Lord and I imagine a hopeless, joyless, desperation that won't go away. At the same time, doing the event for Brandon and I was a way for us to mend and to heal. We belong to another family...the Williams family. All the other moms I met on Saturday...there's an unspoken admiration and comradere. Each one of us knows how the other feels in every sense of being a mother....a time to heal, a time to laugh, a time to dance, a time to mend, and a time to speak.

We're given seasons here on this earth. I hate winter. I hate being cold, sickness, feeling trapped in the house, etc. Yet in that season, I love Christmas! And, after that season comes spring, where all things are restored from being cold, sad and frozen...things are reborn and new. Life is like that. We have periods of great rejoicing like this weekend, and we have periods of great sadness...a time to die, a time to weep, and a time to mourn. Yesterday, a baby named Corbin (you can read about him here, http://ofkidsandcows.blogspot.com/), went home to be with Jesus. Corbin, like Nolan, was born with Williams syndrome. However, Corbin was born with a far more fragile heart than Nolan's. This is a fact that comes with a weighty reality that Nolan could have very easily had a heart like Corbin's. Don't think I haven't thought in the last day why God would choose Nolan to stay here on the earth for now, and why He would choose to take Corbin home to be with Him. I've also been brought back to the reality that every summer we have Nolan's heart checked. With every check comes the possibility that Nolan's heart could be getting worse and could require open heart surgery.

We are not promised a life free of turmoil, matter fact the Bible says in John 16:33, "In this life you will have trouble." The verse doesn't end there either, "But take heart, I have overcome the world." When I enter a season of weeping and mourning, I have to remember that Jesus overcame sin AND DEATH when he rose again. This life will bring trouble, trials, sadness and grief, but at the same time, Jesus overcame all that...one day for those whose hope is in Him, we will be in heaven celebrating with baby Corbin.

To the girls

2011-04-28T09:45:00.001-04:00

Dear Aubrey and Adelynne...my sweet little girls, born into an intentional, heavenly birth order.

There will come a day where you come to the realization that Nolan is different, that he was born with Williams syndrome. Daddy and I talk about it in front of you, but, neither of you has ever asked what it is. Matter fact, right now, we're planning Nolan's Walk for Williams, and no one's ever said, why?, what is it?, why does Nolan "have" it? For many reasons I'm extremely thankful. Neither of you look at Nolan as if he's a nuisance (unless he's pulling your hair:), or see his differences...it's inspiring...it's convicting...it's every parents dream for their children to love each other. And, the two of you love with such an unconditional accepting love...a love that's heaven sent. It makes your mother proud and my prayer is that it is always that way.

Mommy's fear is that your awakening will come with a crashing reality because a child (or even adult) will make a comment about Nolan's overfriendlyness, or because his face is different, or because he talks "funny." Girls, unless something like this has happened to someone else, they can't understand. And it's ok. It really is. You two are so special...God picked YOU! He picked you to be Nolan's sisters. You may never fully understand the privilege and honor it is that God picked you. He knew you both were exactly what Nolan needed not just now, but for the rest of his life, for your life. You are not only his sisters, you're his friends, the ones who love him without question, his defenders and protectors, his advocates...and your heavenly father knew that no other two girls were better for the job at showing the love of Jesus through your care for him and loving others when their approach with Nolan might be hurtful.

Along with this special gift we've been given will also come some sadness...sadness for Nolan, for our family as he'll have a long and sometimes heavy road in this life. If there is anything mommy has learned this far is that it's ok to be sad...because in that sadness God can reveal Himself. Jesus has already felt all the emotions that you'll feel, he understands it, he'll cry with you and rejoice with you. Embrace the good and the bad times. He'll always be present.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Our purpose in this life is to live for Jesus. You've been given a hefty challenge...to love and care without question. But, we do this because Jesus overcame the world...we've not been promised an easy life, but we have been promised heaven.

Love,
Mommy

On loan

2011-04-20T15:54:00.000-04:00

For those of you who know me, or who read this blog, it's quite apparent that I'm a an emotional crazy person...no really, sometimes I think I must be crazy. We are full on Nolan's Walk for Williams planning. Just this afternoon I received confirmation that we have 5 other families coming to the walk who have a child with Williams syndrome. I got like, over the top, excited thinking about being with that many people who get it, I mean really get what it's like, who probably understand my rants, who probably feel some of the exact things emotionally...not just the bad, but the good too. An hour later I'm in a panic remembering that it wasn't too long ago I looked at my sweet husband while sobbing and said, "It's like, Nolan's not really ours. He looks more like a group of people than he does our family. I can't look at him and say he reminds me of you, or, he looks like my baby pictures. It will only get worse the older we all get...It's like it's the four of us and then...Nolan." Of course Brandon listened, affirmed my feelings, but, by the grace of God, he's been given an acceptance of the situation that I don't have...
And, thus my panic, how will it be to see Nolan with 5 other precious blessings who will look more like his brothers and sisters than Aubrey and Adelynne do? Lord give me perspective and clarity that day...

A dear friend recommended Mary Beth Chapman's book Choosing to See. She's the wife to Steven Curtis Chapman and a few years ago they lost their 5 year old little girl in an accident. To make the grief worse for their family, their teenage son was driving the car that hit Maria (a complete accident). The book talks a lot about Mary Beth's childhood, how she met Steven, their early years, starting a family, adopting 3 precious little girls from China, the accident, etc....but what impressed on me the most was her description of her grief....seeing God in the midst of despair, how all the things in our life are an intricate design of Him. Obviously, I haven't lost a child in the sense that they are no longer here on earth with me, however, the grieving process is very similar. There was so much in this book where I saw myself, saw Nolan, saw our journey. Like Maria, who is now in heaven, our little boy really isn't ours. He's on loan from the One who knit him perfectly in my womb. And it's not just Nolan who's on loan, Aubrey and Adelynne are as well...I forget that with them because Aubrey has her daddy's toes and sense of perfection...only by the grace of God...Adelynne has Brandon's beautiful eyes and attention to detail...only by the grace of God. But, they are on loan, for however long the Lord grants us. One WS mom said to me once, "My biggest fear is that the Lord will call her home before I am ready." I feel the same way.
Could I ask you to pray for Nolan's Walk for Williams? Pray for safety in travel for the families who are coming. Pray for a positive uplifting event.

For inquiring minds...

2011-03-13T09:27:00.000-04:00

We've received several common questions regarding Nolan's Walk for Williams.

1. How do we donate to the walk since we can't attend?
      Go to www.walk4williams.org. In bold, there will be 2 options to either "register to walk" or "donate to a walk." Once you've selected "donate to a walk," you will be given a list of all the walks around the USA that are happening this year. Select the Indiana: Plainfield one, and you will be able to donate to the walk that way.

2. How much of the money will go to Nolan?
     Brandon and I aren't having this walk to raise money for Nolan. ALL money will go to the Williams Syndrome Association in honor of Nolan. Our purpose is to raise money for the WSA and to raise awareness about Williams Syndrome.   Of course some have been adamant at other points in Nolan's life about giving to him to help with medical expenses, and we appreciate that, however, at this point the money goes to the WSA.

3. How do we go about getting sponsors? or How far is the walk?
     This is NOT a walk a thon. However, if you are a registered walker who wants to get sponsors, please email us a bmpaschal@gmail.com for a sponsor form. Those who register to walk do not need to get sponsors, but you can if you would like. The walk will be a relatively short (approx. 1 mile) route where we will gather and walk together to raise awareness.   After the organized short walk, people are more than welcome to continue to walk for as long as they would like. Our setup will have a relatively flexible schedule as we want people to come and enjoy themselves and with their families.

MIA

2011-02-21T09:44:00.000-05:00

MIA = Missing in action

It would seem I've been missing in action since I haven't blogged in over 30 days. Even Brandon came home from school one day, pulled up the blog and said, "Geez, you haven't blogged in forever!" There is actually so much swirling around in my head, I could probably have 20 separate blog posts, but, my cluttered mind actually leaves me with writers block.

When I go through the "sad parts" of the grieving process, I have a hard time verbalizing my thoughts and feelings as well. It also seems to somewhat paralyze me from thinking or doing anything else other than my day to day stuff. As I come out from under my foggy cloud of sadness, I'm able to process a little more.

In the last month, Aubrey's reading has really taken off. We find her reading more and more on her own with little to no help and is actually enjoying it! Last night, I told her I would time her, and for every 10 minutes she read, she could put a sticker on her chart (once the chart is full, her reward is a Mermaid Barbie she's been trying to earn). Before we knew it, she read 5 books and had been reading for an hour. I don't think she's ever sat for an hour...in her life.

In the last month, Adelynne is really loving preschool. It's her 5 hours a week where she is Adelynne and not Aubrey's little sister. She is able to be herself without trying to to do everything Aubrey does. She also attended the 4's and 5's Suitcase Stories at the library...all on her own...no mommy. I was actually planning to go in with her, and then realized I was the only mommy who was trying to get in rather than out. I looked around and felt silly, so, I told Adie I'd see her after. :)

In the last month, Nolan has managed to steal even more of my heart. I didn't know it was possible to be more crazily enamored, but, alas, I am. His speech continues to progress and his attempts at communicating his needs is becoming more age appropriate. He also managed to break his crib. He jumps so much in it, he snapped the metal bracket that connects the wood base to the crib. Brandon was able to fix it, but, little fella did have to sleep in the pac n play for a few days.

In the last month, we've prayed about an opportunity to send the girls to a christian school next year. So far, God seems to be opening doors, and we're trying to enter them in faith. We continue to pray for God's leading and guidance.

In the last month, we've been contnually amazed at God's provision in digging us out of this medical debt. We're excited about our plan to have it all paid off within the year.

In the last month, I've had many quiet times that have brought great insight and reflection. I've enjoyed rediscovering some of my favorite music from Bethany Dillon, Jeremy Camp, and Christy Nokels. I've had some funny and fun times with my kids, and have enjoyed some deep productive talks with my hubs.

In the last month, I've been sad, but His mercies are new every morning and that feels nice.

Nolan's Walk for Williams

2011-02-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

The Bedroom Remodel

2011-01-20T12:40:00.001-05:00

The Sunday before Brandon went back to school from Christmas break, we had decided to paint our bedroom. It's the one room in the house that has seen little to no upkeep or style. I mean, come on, do mom and dad ever do anything for themselves? Well, the plan quickly took a different route. As Brandon removed the baseboards, we saw that there was about a one inch gap between the wall and the floor that was letting in a lot of cold air from under the house. Our bedroom is in the very back of the house, along with our laundry room and a bathroom. This part of the house once was a garage. They did a very nice job, from the outside, making it look not like a garage, however, they didn't do the best job from the inside. Then, in the southest corner of the room, where the baseboard had been removed, we noticed some mold. Ack! Since it was Sunday, we were a little stuck with what to do next. We called a contractor the next day, the same man who had done the inspection on our house when we purchased it. He came on Tuesday and spent 2 hours here talking through things with Brandon and explaining to him how he would complete the job. Several good things came from this visit. Dan, checked out our crawl space and attic for us and confirmed that we do NOT have a moisture problem. Whatever mold we had was from a previous issue that had been fixed. He told us our house was a nice, well built, quilty home and in great shape. He also explained that most homes have mold somewhere, it is not an issue until it becomes airborne. Whew. What a relief. We went from what we thought to be a $2-5 thousand job to repair structural issues to about a $300 job to repair the wall and paint the bedroom. Thank you Lord! So, after Dan's visit, the chaos began.

The lower right corner of this picture was where the problem began. In order to keep the drywall seamless and also to cover up that nasty "old school" block window, we decided to take out the whole wall.

Let the demolition begin.

After several days of demolition and clean up, we were ready for insulation.

Ahhhh insulation :)

Once the insulation was in, Brandon's dad came down to help him hang drywall. The next few days consisted of 3 rounds of mud and lots of yucky sanding. Then it was time to primer and paint. Brandon made the good decision to go ahead and paint our ceiling and ceiling fan while the room was already a mess. One full week from the time the demolition began, we were ready to paint.

This is where great admiration and thankfulness for the hubs comes in. During this project he worked his normal school schedule, his 2 nights a week at Lenscrafters, and still attended Aubrey's basketball games. Any moment he was home he was in that bedroom. He worked really hard and did such an awesome job. Thanks Brandon!

This is where it gets really exciting folks...

OUR NEW BEDROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to also share some of the deals we got. I found this comforter set this past summer at Bed Bath and Beyond. It was $150 at the time, and I just couldn't even think about spending that much on a comforter. So, after Christmas, Brandon took me back to see if they still had it. It was marked down to $99 AND I had a 20% off coupon. So, I got the comforter, sheets, 2 decorative pillows, bedskirt, 2 euro shams, and 2 decorative shams for $80. We hadn't purchased a comforter in 6 years. I figure if we keep this for another 6 years, we paid $13 a year. Not too shabby. We've also never had curtains, but, I found all 4 panels and the rod on clearance. For a 104 inch window, I got all of it for $65. I also got the navy lamp shades on clearance for $4.99 each. How pumped was I? Pretty pumped.

Anyway, I love going into that room now. It's cozy and pretty. It's been so nice to be sleeping in our bed after 11 nights on the couches. What a crazy couple of weeks. However, the crazy keeps us on our toes :)

Warning: Megan might rant and talk in circles

2011-01-18T07:27:00.000-05:00

As I sat and drank my coffee this morning and had my quiet time, I was moved by my devotion. I loved it so much I read a part of it to Brandon. So, I would like to share it with you.

The story is told of a group of women who met each week to study the Bible, hoping to learn more about the nature and character of God and how He works in our life. The women were puzzled and even a little troubled by the description of God they found in Malachi 3:3, "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." One of the women offered to do a little research on the subject and report back to the group at their next meeting. The woman found a local silversmith and made an appointment to observe him at work, explaining that she was particularly interested in the process of refining silver. She watched as the craftsman carefully selected a piece of silver for his demonstration. She thought the piece of silver was already beautiful but evidently the silversmith saw something that she could not see. As he held the silver over the furnace, the craftsman explained that in refining silver, the silver had to be placed in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest so all of the impurities would be burned away.

The woman was silent for a moment as her thoughts drifted to the fiery trials she was facing in her own life. Honestly, she did not get it. Why would a loving God allow His children to suffer when He could so easily deliver them? In fact, why does God even allow bad things to happen to people who are seeking Him and really trying to live for Him?

The woman asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. "Oh, yes!" he replied. "I cannot take my eyes off the silver. If it is left in the furnace even a moment too long, it will be destroyed." The woman suddenly understood the beauty and comfort of Malachi 3:3, "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

Yes, there are times when it seems as if we will be swallowed whole by the fires of Hell itself. The pain seems too hard to bear. The fear is paralyzing. The doubt is overwhelming and questions flood our heart and mind.

Is God really who He says He is?

Will He really do what He says He will do?

Will He really keep His promises?

Our trials are not random persecutions. Heaven is not in a panic and where we are and what we are going through is no surprise to God. We may be knocked down and kicked around by life, but if we have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, we will not be destroyed.
Our lives are filled with excess baggage and waste - a cherished sin we refuse to relinquish or an addiction to which we are enslaved. What about the emotional garbage that weighs us down or our unforgiving spirit that holds us prisoner? Fiery trials come to burn away the guilt of sin and then purify our heart. From those ashes of freedom, the Father then creates a work of beauty.

I believe the words I just wrote. I know and accept the truth that trials and hard times make me stronger and strengthen my faith, but there are times when I want it all to stop. I find myself asking, "How much is enough, Lord? How many trials do I have to endure? When will the pain and trouble end?"

"How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" the woman asked. The silversmith smiled and answered, "Oh, that's easy. The refining process is complete when I can see my image reflected in the silver."

God is not committed to our comfort. He is committed to our character. Only God can exchange the ashes of our sin for the beauty of His forgiveness and grace. God alone can replace our despair with His peace that passes all understanding. Hope can only be found in Him. Our purpose in life is to know and become more like Jesus ... and act just like our Father.

One of my first thoughts was about how much I love the analogy of refining silver. How neat that you can only refine the silver in the hottest of heat? How neat that the craftsman never takes his eye off the silver? How neat that he knows the silver is completely refined once he can see his reflection in it? Wow, holy cow, I mean, that gave me the chills.

I then wondered how many awesome analogies I miss in the Bible.

My next thought then went to the heaviness in my heart that I have right now for some that are in the deep heat of the refining process. I think about an awesome couple who have returned home from adopting 2 precious little boys from Ethiopia. Momma has gotten sick and has been hospitalized for a few days with dehydration. I think man, could they not have just been able to come home, exhausted and in such a huge transition and not had to deal with this? Gheesh. Pray for them. You can read more about them at http://themummerts.wordpress.com/. Then I think about a dear dear friend who has 3 children, one who is special needs, and she is now concerned about her sweet baby girl being delayed as well. You can read more about her at http://wanibug.blogspot.com/. My heart is heavy for this folks...extremely.

I would ask that anyone who reads this would please pray for the families I've mentioned. They are heavy on my heart and I know would appreciate the prayers.

We're all in the refining process. Boy does it look different for each of us? In the deep deep heat, is when we are refined...and once we've been refined just right, Christ sees himself in us. That's pretty cool...beyond cool.

Malachi 3:3, "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." Knowing He's watching and never leaves during our refinement, to me, is an amazing picture of love, commitment and dedication.

So you're saying I'm the one with the problem?

2011-01-06T08:24:00.000-05:00

Today's Truth

2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT) "We have proved ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, our sincere love, and the power of the Holy Spirit."

It would be just fine with me if I never had to go through another storm. However, God is more committed to my character than He is to my comfort. Every storm is an opportunity to grow in Christ and trust Him more.

The Apostle Paul was well acquainted with vicious storms and harsh realities. In his writings to the church at Corinth Paul offers five truths that - when applied - will enable us to stand firm in the storm.

Truth 1: Live a pure life.
Truth 2: Seek understanding.
Truth 3: Learn to be patient.
Truth 4: Practice kindness.

When bad things happen, we cry out in desperation for someone to care.

If you could have been living in my head these last few weeks, you would know what a smack in the face this was in my quiet time this morning. When bad things happen, we cry out in desperation for someone to care. I mean, is is such a bad thing that I want, scratch that, I need people to care? And I don't mean care in the sense that of course people care, but, I need to make them understand...make them really get what's going on in my head. Make them understand that some of the comments they make about Nolan are thoughtless, not ill meaning, but, thoughtless. Make them understand that we (Brandon and I) don't and can't think about what the future holds like you can with regular children (like we can with Aubrey and Adelynne)...I don't know if he'll get to go to kindergarten when he's 5, or 6, or ever. I don't know what life with and for him will look like when he's 5. I just don't. The older he gets, the more "stuff" there is...the more obvious it becomes, the more he'll stand out. Why can't you understand that? It does prove quite frustrating for me when I just want you to understand....please just understand, call tail to my feelings, walk on eggshells around me, when you talk about your "normal" children and how hard it is raising a regular child, please don't, please know when I'm struggling and in the pit over this and censor everything (yes, I mean everything) you say out loud, I'm likely to be oversensitive. When I use the term, understand, I don't mean feel sorry for me, I don't mean treat me like my problems are bigger than yours...because they aren't, I don't mean tip toe around me and calculate everything you say...even though it seems like that's what I want you to do. I mean, just, understand...To perceive and comprehend the nature and significance of; grasp...To know thoroughly by close contact or long experience with.

My quiet time reminded me that within this storm, it's not about making people understand. God is concerned with my character and growing me, rather than making me comfortable. He's trying to grow me, rather than me trying to grow other people in the ways of how to treat and help those with children of special needs and all that entails. The holy spirit is working, whether it's in me, or in you, he is. I need to be living a pure life, seeking understanding (oh, I'm the one who needs to learn to understand...oops), learning to be patient, and practicing kindness.

Many things I know within my head, it's a matter of getting my heart to follow. And while I will probably always struggle with "making people understand," the reality is, you couldn't possibly understand because you don't live it day in and day out, it's not your child it's mine, and it hasn't happened to you. Just like, I can't understand what it's like to miscarry or struggle with infertility, or to lose a parent, etc...I can't understand because I haven't lived it.

Rather than focus on how you, my blog reader, my family, my friends, may "understand"...rather, I'm going to focus on my part of the journey, the 4 Truths listed above. That, my friends, is encouraging.

Eight is great!

2010-12-20T20:28:00.002-05:00

So many things this time of year make me giddy. Right near the top of the list is my hubby. This wonderful man, made my life 8 years ago when he married me, a 60 degree day on December 21st, with snow all over the ground (weird, I know). Me...Megan Lynne Mosson, now Paschal...I'm not sure how I got so lucky. I don't, but God does, and I often don't feel like I deserve Brandon, but, I'm so thankful the Lord hand picked him for me. It's been 8 wonderful years. When I say wonderful, I mean wonderful. I mean, we've had our moments, and we've definitely had our fair share of hard times, but, I know that without this best friend, life partner, better half and comrade, I would never have made it. He makes me smile... I can't sleep without him...he makes me better...I love him, I just do. Happy 8 years Mr. Paschal! I look forward to each year that will come. Bring it!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-19T19:52:00.001-05:00

When I was a little girl and even into my teenage years (Lord have mercy!), my mom always had Christmas dresses for my sister and I each year. Many of them she made and some were bought, but, we always knew that Christmas Eve we got to open our dresses and wear them to the Christmas Eve service at church. Well, for our girls, they got to wear them today...the Sunday before Christmas. And of course, I had to get the dapper little dude something too. Brandon made the sets for the middle school musical this year and got paid a little something extra, so, I was pumped to go and get Christmas outfits for the kids. JC Penny was running a great sale, plus I got $15 off, and I bought the dresses a little big so that they can wear them next winter as well. Here's the proof they looked awesome!

Merry Christmas!

Love, Brandon, Megan, Aubrey, Adelynne, and Nolan

To Adelynne Love, Mommy

2010-12-15T20:47:00.001-05:00

This little nugget, well I guess if you consider 9 pounds and 5 ounces little, turns 4 years old at 3:58am tomorrow morning.

She was so round and delicious as a baby. She slept through the night from the get go. She ate great and was an easy baby. We like to tell her that when she'd get up at night to eat and we would turn the light on, she would sneeze. She still sneezes first thing in the morning. We also tell her stories about when we'd put a spoon with baby food (usually blueberries) in her mouth, she would blow it all over us.

By the time she was 18 months old, she was right smack in the middle of chaos...a 3 year old older sister who was usually stealing the show, and a new little brother who was creating quite a name for himself! Walking, talking and desperately trying to keep up, she was a typical child vying for the attention of anyone...even if that meant climbing up on the changing table to rub Vaseline ALL OVER Herself!!!!!!!!

She's now pushing her third birthday, and I'm wondering where the time has gone with her. She's now becoming increasingly interested in pink, princesses, girly things, and has asserted that she would like a "purple star birthday party."

She's now turning into a little girl who is shy at first, but who loves, and is soft and sweet with a little feminine raspy voice. Who will stop arguing or doing anything really, if you say, "Come here, I'll rub your tummy."

She's very thoughtful and creative.

She loves this fella to pieces...Sometimes so much we have to remind her that he's human and not baby doll.

And desperately wants to be just like her big sis, but, at the same time wants to be seen as her own person.

She loves playing outside, loved swimming lessons this past summer. She loves to color and craft. She loves her family.

She loves one on one time with mommy or daddy. She loves being told she looks pretty. She really loves preschool.

And now, WOW, she's turning 4!

Adelynne Noelle,
You're my girl, my buddy and my shadow throughout the day. Your sweet voice and helper attitude make my day. Matter of fact, the laundry just wouldn't get done without you around. As I sit and write this, I realize that you've never been the "squeaky wheel," you always seem to be my constant, the one I can count on each day...most of the time. You have turned into a sweet, funny, bright, energetic, joy to have around who sings Jesus My Redeemer while you comb your hair in the mirror. Life wouldn't be worth living without you. I love you to the moon and back, moon and back, moon and back, moon and back.

Love, Mommy

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2010-11-30T14:36:00.000-05:00

Daddy and his girls in front of "THE" tree

Mommy with all the babes

My wonderfully beautiful family

The girls in front of the finished product

Aubrey making an ornament

Adelynne making a wreath with mommy. The final product can be seen in the header of this blog:)

"Amsterdam International"

2010-11-10T16:06:00.000-05:00

Dana Nieder wrote the following poem in regards to the poem "Welcome to Holland," which I posted about a month ago. While I very much love that poem, this one more adequately describes the journey of finding out your child is special needs...the journey that began for me post Williams diagnosis. Somehow Dana, wrote this poem directly from my heart.

She begins with an explanation...

In the special needs world, there is a poem (essay? whatever.) called "Welcome to Holland." It is supposed to explain what it's like to have a child with special needs. It's short and sweet.

It skips everything.

While "Welcome to Holland" has a place, I used to hate it. It skipped over all of the agony of having a child with special needs and went right to the happy ending.

The raw, painful, confusing entry into Holland was just glossed over. And considering the fact that this little poem is so often passed along to new-moms-of-kids-with-special-needs, it seems unfair to just hand them a little story about getting new guidebooks and windmills and tulips.

If I had written "Welcome to Holland," I would have included the terrible entry time. And it would sound like this:

Amsterdam International

Parents of "normal" kids who are friends with parents of kids with special needs often say things like, "Wow! How do you do it? I wouldn't be able to handle everything--you guys are amazing!" (Well, thank you very much.) But there's no special manual, no magical positive attitude serum, no guide to embodying strength and serenity...people just do what they have to do. You rise to the occasion, and embrace your sense of humor (or grow a new one). You come to love your life, and it's hard to imagine it a different way (although when you try, it may sting a little). But things weren't always like this...at first, you ricocheted around the stages of grief, and it was hard to see the sun through the clouds. And forget the tulips or windmills. In the beginning you're stuck in Amsterdam International Airport. And no one ever talks about how much it sucks.

You briskly walk off of the plane into the airport thinking "There-must-be-a-way-to-fix-this-please-please-don't-make-me-have-to-stay-here-THIS-ISN'T-WHAT-I-WANTED-please-just-take-it-back." The airport is covered with signs in Dutch that don't help, and several well-meaning airport professionals try to calm you into realizing that you are here (oh, and since they're shutting down the airport today, you can never leave. Never never. This is your new reality.). Their tone and smiles are reassuring, and for a moment you feel a little bit more calm...but the pit in your stomach doesn't leave and a new wave of panic isn't far off.

(Although you don't know it yet, this will become a pattern. You will often come to a place of almost acceptance, only to quickly re-become devastated or infuriated about this unfair deviation to Holland. At first this will happen several times a day, buy it will taper to several times a week, then only occasionally.)

A flash of realization--your family and friends are waiting. Some in Italy, some back home...all wanting to hear about your arrival in Rome. Now what is there to say? And how do you say it? You settle on leaving an outgoing voicemail that says "We've arrived, the flight was fine, more news to come" because really, what else can you say? You're not even sure what to tell yourself about Holland, let alone your loved ones.

(Although you don't know it yet, this will become a pattern. How can you talk to people about Holland? If they sweetly offer reassurances, it's hard to find comfort in them...they've never been to Holland, after all.)

And their attempts at sympathy? While genuine, you don't need their pity...their pity says "Wow, things must really suck for you"...and when you're just trying to hold yourself together, that doesn't help. When you hear someone else say that things are bad, it's hard to maintain your denial, to keep up your everything-is-just-fine-thank-you-very-much outer shell. Pity hits too close to home, and you can't admit to yourself how terrible it feels to be stuck in Holland, because then you will undoubtedly collapse into a pile of raw, wailing agony. So you have to deflect and hold yourself together...deflect and hold yourself together.

You sneak sideways glances at your travel companion, who also was ready for Italy. You have no idea how (s)he's handling this massive change in plans, and can't bring yourself to ask. You think, "Please, please don't leave me here. Stay with me. We can find the right things to say to each other, I think. Maybe we can have a good life here." But the terror of a mutual breakdown, of admitting that you're deep in a pit of raw misery, of saying it out loud and thereby making it a reality, is too strong. So you say nothing.

(Although you don't know it yet, this may become a pattern. It will get easier with practice, but it will always be difficult to talk with your partner about your residency in Holland. Your emotions won't often line up--you'll be accepting things and trying to build a home just as he starts clamoring for appointments with more diplomats who may be able to "fix" it all. And then you'll switch, you moving into anger and him into acceptance. You will be afraid of sharing your depression, because it might be contagious--how can you share all of the things you hate about Holland without worrying that you're just showing your partner all of the reasons that he should sink into depression, too?)

And what you keep thinking but can't bring yourself to say aloud is that you would give anything to go back in time a few months. You wish you never bought the plane tickets. It seems no traveler is ever supposed to say "I wish I never even got on the plane. I just want to be back at home." But it's true, and it makes you feel terrible about yourself, which is just fantastic...a giant dose of guilt is just what a terrified lonely lost tourist needs.

(Although you don't know it yet, this is the part that will fade. After you're ready, and get out of the airport, you will get to know Holland and you won't regret the fact that you have traveled. Oh, you will long for Italy from time to time, and want to rage against the unfairness from time to time, but you will get past the little voice that once said, "Take this back from me. I don't want this trip at all.")

Each traveler has to find their own way out of the airport. Some people navigate through the corridors in a pretty direct path (the corridors can lead right in a row: Denial to Anger to Bargaining to Depression to Acceptance). More commonly, you shuffle and wind around...leaving the Depression hallway to find yourself somehow back in Anger again. You may be here for months.

But you will leave the airport. You will

And as you learn more about Holland, and see how much it has to offer, you will grow to love it.

And it will change who you are, for the better.

I couldn't have said it better...

2010-10-08T13:05:00.002-04:00

Welcome to Holland
...Parenting a Special Needs Child
By: Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this:

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans: the Coliseum, Michelangelo's David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills – and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy ... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you many never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

2010-09-26T11:27:00.000-04:00

Not all of you know this, but, I hated the high school me. I didn't feel that way then, but I feel that way now. The things I hated about "me" then were things that weren't intentional. I have these dreams, for especially my girls, that they are popular because they are freinds with everyone, not just the "cool" kids, but everyone, that their faith in Jesus is something that everyone just knows about and respects. That they wouldn't care if someone made fun of them for it. I hope that they don't strive to be the best at a sport, academics, or the arts, but rather serving others. That their desire would to be at home doing things with their family...like they do now. In the beginning of high school, I was what I would call a "closet Christian." I did what was right, but didn't want to talk about Jesus or my faith, or my activities at church. As high school went on, boys, sports, and being popular with the other popular girls was more important that being strong in faith...it's just like the Casting Crowns song, Slow Fade...I'd slowly faded from a "closet Christian" to a "Sunday Christian" to a "that's something I'll do later."

I wouldn't say that I regret high school, because I believe all of it was a path that led me back to Jesus a few years later, making that relationship far sweeter and more precious than the time before. I was more in awe and thankful for the sacrifice of Christ, that he could forgive me for my selfishness and turning my back on him before. However, I do look back and wish I could restore and repair the relationships I hurt while in high school.

God in all his grace allowed me to begin to do that this weekend. I attended the True Women's conference downtown this weekend and ran into an old friend from high school. We hugged briefly the first night and we bumped into each other again on Saturday and spent most of the afternoon catching up. Nothing from our younger years was discussed, but rather what's going on now, some struggles, hardships, and how God was working in our lives. I've known her since second grade, and there is always a soft spot in me for those I've known so long, even though things in high school weren't always roses for us, becuase of the person I was, the one I look back now and am ashamed of.

I love not only that God allowed a restoration for me once I surrendered to him several years ago, but also how in His time, he allows us to restore those relationships we tarnished in our times of selfishness.

Labor day fun

2010-09-11T19:06:00.001-04:00

We spent our labor day at Anderson's Orchard in Mooresville with grandma Susan and papaw Scott. We picked apples, picnicked, and fished until nap time...Nolan had had enough. On our way out, we stopped and got some apple cider slushies. The weather was perfect and we all enjoyed the day.

It's Adelynne's turn

2010-09-11T18:26:00.000-04:00

Little Miss Adelynne is always trying to keep up with big sis, and, this week she started preschool. It's only 2 1/2 hours 2 times a week....just enough for her to get out and explore who Adelynne is, gain some independence, and form her own identity. She was excited.

I really didn't think that leaving her would be hard, I've left Aubrey 3 years in a row now, and with the trauma of sending Aubrey to kindergarten, I thought I wouldn't bat an eye at leaving Adelynne. As we walked her to school, I got really sad, knowing I was about to drop her off, and then take Aubrey to school...just me and Nolan. It's almost like going from 100 to 0. The reality of this becoming my reality is beginning to set in. They grow up too fast. Adelynne enjoyed her day and I was so glad to see her after.

The difference in a year...

2010-09-10T09:38:00.000-04:00

One year ago today was one of the hardest days of my life. After speaking with countless doctors and signing lots of papers, I handed over my 14 month old precious little boy. With the sickest feeling in my stomach and many tears flowing, I had to hold back sobs as he watched Brandon and I as they took him back to pre-op...smiling and waving...that's my boy, so sweet. Knowing what was about to happen to him made me sick, but, I knew it had to be done. For the first time in my life, I was too paralyzed by fear to pray.

Lord, please don't take our baby...
Lord, please don't take our baby...
Lord, please don't take our baby...

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26

Around 9:30 am the nurse came to let us know they had begun and that Nolan had charmed the room with his smiles and chatter. Well, of course he did, he's the sweetest boy in the world....

About 2 and a half hours later, they came to tell us that his forehead had been removed and the plastic surgeon had it on a tray and was working with it, I'm sorry, can you say that again...

"For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him." Colossians 1:16

By the time it was all said and done, Nolan's craniosynostosis was corrected by a neuro surgeon removing his forehead, then the plastic surgeon took the forehead, cut it into 15 pieces, and reconnected those pieces with dis-solvable plates and screws. They then reattached the forehead and closed him up. From the time they took him to the time I was able to see him, it was 10 hours...

I lost it when I finally saw him, this trooper of a little boy had been through more trauma in his 14 months than I'd even come close to in my now 30 years. A small part of me got angry, why such a tiny, sweet innocent little being? The rest of me ached to take his pain and discomfort away and to spare him from any more.

The relief that finally came after knowing Nolan was ok, and after recovery was smooth, only then were we able to breathe.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ."
1 Thessalonians 5:16 & 17

While I hate thinking about that time, it's also good to reflect on how much he's conquered in the last year. Pre-surgery Nolan was just beginning to crawl. A year later, he's running, climbing on the kitchen table, he's a naughty little tornado that's learning more words and who is trying to communicate. It's also good to reflect on God's provision.

"The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." James 5:11

Not only did he keep Nolan safe, but, he gave Brandon and I peace and comfort. He provided financially for the surgery. He provided family to help. He provided a wonderful nursing staff that took great care of us. He provided 2 of the best doctors in the nation to take on this surgery. In every step along the way, God provided.

"The Lord will do what he has promised." Isaiah 38:7

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers." 1 John 3:16

God loves Nolan, because he sent his only son to die for him.

SHE'S BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-02T10:09:00.001-04:00

I have to just take this moment, and brag about Adelynne. She's 3, and the picture on the left she colored, and the one on the right, I colored. Pretty amazing how well she stays in the lines and how detailed she is. Way to go Adie!

Why he's perfect for me...

2010-09-01T10:51:00.001-04:00

The other day...
me...
feeling sorry for myself about people having healthy children...
as unfit parents (arrests, loss of custody, questionable things happening in there home.)
Out of my mouth, "it's the forth child, different dads for most of them, but, yet, I'm sure this baby will be perfectly healthy."
Brandon says to me, "Can you imagine Nolan being placed in a family like that? Would his needs be met? Would he be getting the care he's getting?"
I say, "Well, No... so, we're being rewarded for being good parents?"
He says, "Yes."

End of the conversation

He's good for me. He doesn't lack where I do. He makes me feel better with the simple truth. He doesn't allow himself to feel sorry for us. He's perfect for me.

Who wouldn't love being me?

2010-08-30T14:45:00.000-04:00

Well, we all survived...

2010-08-10T15:53:00.006-04:00

Aubrey is home from her first day of school. It was the longest 2 hours and 40 minutes of my life. Surprisingly enough, she was less than impressed. I heard that...
"Mrs. Dixon is nice and does look like Barbie."
"We learned about obeying."
"I didn't use my school supplies."
AND
"I'm starving." (Remind me to write an entire post on how this little girl has a hollow leg:)

2010-08-09T11:59:00.005-04:00

Being a mother is a life full of guilt. I mean let's be honest, we question each and every decision we make concerning our kiddos...well, at least I do. I've yet to meet one mom who didn't look back on her child rearing years and question some things, or, maybe even wish they would have done a few things differently. It starts even when you're pregnant.
Should I be eating more things that are full of folic acid?
Should I eat less baked goods:)?
Epidural? or
No epidural?
Should I breastfeed?
What if I can't?
Then in the weeks of no sleep with a baby who cries endlessly, you become angry with yourself that you are so tired, frustrated, frazzled, when you really want to be soaking up each moment because they grow up so fast...because everyone reminds you of this. And don't get me started on discipline. Every day is a battle of,
am I being too hard on her?
Am I not consistent enough?
Is it really supposed to be this hard?
Or is there just something wrong with me?

Now that I'm a seasoned parent (ha! wink wink), I can look back at times and think...man, I really should have handled that differently. There have also been other times that I can look back and think...by God's grace, yep, I handled that like a pro.

I am a flawed person. I am a flawed wife, sister, daughter, friend and yes, even mother, but I do know that in those times of being unsure God's grace is sufficient. He knows our hearts; my heart, my intentions and my desires.

My desire is that at some point all 3 of my babes would come to have a saving relationship with the Lord, that they would make wise decisions based on the Bible, that they would be spared from all the worldly pitfalls, some of which I fell victim to when I was younger. That at no point in their life would they be faced with a tough choice, and choose wrong. That they would never feel disappointment or hurt.

Brandon and I have struggled with, for about a year now, whether to send Aubrey to school or to homeschool her. Not matter who you talk to, the people who send their kids to school have a list of why they feel it's best, and the same with people who homeschool. I'm not one who believes that by homeschooling you can shelter them from all things, but rather my intent was to spend more time character building and building a more sound Biblical base before sending her out. For a week, I would be confident in the homeschooling decision, and then the next week, I would say no, it's time for her to go to school. I've talked to so many people about it, and it really started to weigh on me. I'd prayed and prayed and prayed about it, with no real clear leading either way. Sometimes God doesn't give us the answer clear cut dropped from heaven (although I was hoping for that), but He does give us discernment to make wise decisions and a blessing of that decision once it's been made.

We signed Aubrey up for Kindergarten and thought we'd see where that avenue took us. Since making that decision, we've been pleasantly surprised by the blessings of reassurance of the decision we've made. Blessings that this guilt ridden momma needed...thank you Jesus.

Tomorrow is the big day, and, although I may still back out, ;) I'm confident this is the right decision for our family, for Aubrey. Is it the right decision for my mental well being, however?... probably not.:)

So, for now, I'm not going to let the guilt creep up, but rather, be confident in the job I'm doing as mommy only with the Lord's help. Because let's be honest, trying to do anything on our own is completely pointless.

2010-07-28T13:00:00.003-04:00

I have the three greatest kids on the planet!

Bold statement I know, but really, I do.

Most moms would tell you that they feel the same as I do about her own children, but today, in this moment, I would have to tell someone they were wrong...no really, mine are the best...

The reality of change is hitting this momma pretty hard. My husband will be returning to a completely "nutso" schedule with school, mowing business and a little Lenscrafters sprinkled in. I'm sending my oldest off into the world of kindergarten. My middle will be gaining some independence with 4 hours of preschool a week. Suddenly, no one needs me anymore.

Off they go.

I've been a stay-at-home mom for almost 6 years know devoting my life to loving, cuddling, entertaining, teaching, loving, loving, loving, did I mention devoting...my entire life to these kids. Each day since the day Aubrey Lynne was born, Megan has been eating, sleeping (sometimes), breathing, & pooping motherhood. I confess that I haven't always savored those moments, and there have been times where Brandon has come home to a very (ahem) stressed out if you will mommy. (to put it lightly) There have been days where I've felt like a complete and utter failure, where I've said, "I can't do this anymore," when I've thought about going back to a job outside the home.

Back to my original thought, oh yeah, my kids...they're great...

Reality=my realizing these moments with them are short lived. I've lived this summer, as I was telling Brandon, "in the moment." I've sat and watched, observed, and marveled at these 3 blessings. Our house has been an utter disaster since Memorial Day, we've run out of underwear on a number of occasions...and I can tell you that I don't really care. I've stared at Aubrey for minutes recently just studying Aubrey's beautiful green/brown eyes and freckles and ask myself, when did this happen, her getting so big? I've dropped cutting up raw chicken to wash my hands so that I could follow Adelynne back to her room to praise her for the job she did making her bed. We've had more movie nights cuddled on the couch than I can count. I've laughed at Nolan's little teeder-toddling numerous times. I've thought many times this summer, man, these kids are so awesome.

Today as I sat in the girls room just watching, I marveled at how well these 3 love, adore and admire each other. Do they fight? Yes! Do they make me crazy with the bickering? Yes! Do I wish they would just let Nolan be and keep their hands off of him? Holy cow YES! But, I watched all 3 of them sitting on the floor having a tea party. Aubrey helped Nolan to hold his cup the right way. Adelynne showed him how to set it down on the saucer just so. He's quite boisterous and messes up their stuff a lot, but in this moment they were all patient and helpful. You can't imagine what it means to me to watch the girls lovingly teach that little boy.

And thus the thought...

I have the three greatest kids on the planet!

This one is for grandma

2010-07-15T18:48:00.002-04:00

Autumn (2), Aubrey (5), Nolan (2), Blake (6), Adelyne (3)

Nolan's heart

2010-07-15T18:36:00.002-04:00

There has not been much change in Nolan's heart conditions this past year!! Yay! That is a huge praise and one we are thanking God for today. Our doctor did tell us that she feels it's very likely Nolan will have to have a mitral valve replacement at some point as the mitral valve leaks and is narrow (stenosis). Her hope would be that he would be at least a teenager before that became necessary. So, for today, because we can't worry about tomorrow, we are releived and thankful. We thank you all for your prayers today and always.

Mommy Guilt

2010-07-14T21:36:00.009-04:00

I've spent some time recently reading back over past blogs, and I was disappointed in myself for unintentionally not blogging more about Adelynne. There's really no good reason for it, it just seems as though she's the least "squeaky wheel" so to say in this family...currently...you know it changes often... Right now, Aubrey, the oldest, is just entering into a phase of exciting stuff (more blog worthy events I suppose)...playing T-ball, graduating from preschool, field trips at school, preparing for kindergarten, etc. I constantly find myself saying, "Sweetie, I know you want to do it too, but you're just not old enough yet. Aubrey didn't get to do this stuff when she was your age. When you get a little older, you can do it too." At the same time, the little brother has 3 visitors each week for his 3 rounds of therapy, he's a regular at doctors offices and we're always admiring his accomplishments. I quite often worry that my sweet little Adelynne will feel like the middle child. Of course, there are always downfalls to each position in the family...Aubrey is the guinea pig, we probably expect more out of her because she's the oldest, Nolan is the baby, he's the last to do everything, he's essentially got 3 girls who want to be his mom and coddle him daily...I mean, come on, we all have our "lot in life." But, I don't want anyone, myself mainly, to feel as though I overlook Adelynne. While I could take less of her daily whining, this little one is quite sweet..."Momma, I love you," I hear this often and unprompted. She wants to "help me" dress Nolan after his bath. She loves coloring pictures for friends and family. She can often be found curled up somewhere looking at books. She loves dressing up. She's the first one up EVERY morning, which can be annoying sometimes, but, other times, we get a good hour with just her sometimes before the others kiddos get up. She Demands to pray every meal and every bedtime...quite frankly, she monopolizes prayer time:) I love this little girl with every inch of me.

One benefit of having a teacher for a husband is that he is home a little more over the summer (the mowing business does keep him pretty busy). So, I took Adelynne to the Children's Museum today, just her, no Aubrey, no Nolan, no Daddy. We did what she wanted...when she wanted. I didn't have to chase after Nolan, I didn't have to make sure Aubrey stayed in the line of sight. I was able to follow Adelynne around, watch her play, respond willingly and genuinely to each of her, "Look Mommy"'s, "Watch this Mommy"'s, "Let's do this Mommy"'s. I sat and watched her pedal a tractor back and forth for 20 minutes without ever having to take my eyes off of her. I got to have my arm around her the entire time she ate her lunch. I got so many kisses and hugs today....and I loved it.

Contrary to my lack of blogs, I'm madly entertained by, and in love with Adelynne. She brings me much joy. I love having her around. I love that I'm her mommy. I loved our "date" today Adie, thanks for hangin' with me.

She loved the carousel.

Planting her garden.

2010-07-12T08:14:00.004-04:00

Brandon and I would appreciate your prayers for Nolan's annual heart check on Thursday, July 15th. With Williams syndrome comes the likelihood of a heart condition called stenosis. This is the definition from the Williams Syndrome Association Website...

Heart and blood vessel problems

The majority of individuals with Williams syndrome have some type of heart or blood vessel problem. Typically, there is narrowing in the aorta (producing supravalvular aortic stenos is SVAS), or narrowing in the pulmonary arteries. There is a broad range in the degree of narrowing, ranging from trivial to severe (requiring surgical correction of the defect). Since there is an increased risk for development of blood vessel narrowing or high blood pressure over time, periodic monitoring of cardiac status is necessary.

He has 3 mild to medium conditions that we were told last year that if the condition stays the same, we are fine, however, if it worsens, we'll be looking at another surgery. Obviously, that is not what we want, so we ask for you prayers.

Also, Nolan will be having eye muscle repair, again, on July 29th. They will also be opening up his tear ducts as well.

more pics

2010-06-22T10:15:00.018-04:00

Brandon and I out on the golf course

The Mosson clan 2010

Grandma Ellen and her little boy

Beautiful girl

"But mommy, I don't want to go home!"

Book time before bed

Nolan loved uncle Phil

Adelynne passed out on my lap right before dinner

Nolan was on a paddle boat with Grandma Ellen and when he passed ours, this is the face we got. :)

Precious face, precious boy

sassy little walk

more pool time

"CANNONBALL!!!!!!!!!!!"

"WHEEEEEE!"

We're back!

2010-06-22T09:55:00.011-04:00

We left Friday for a quick 3 day vacation...our first in 4 years! The kids were pumped for "camping" in cabins at General Butler State Park in Carrollton Kentucky. The Freeland side of the family (my mom's side) started this tradition about 20 years ago for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Every summer we all meet down there to swim, boat, play games, eat, take walks, ride bikes, golf, etc for a few days. We've had a break for several years as my grandpa hadn't been in good enough shape to travel. So, this was our first year back at it, and, we're reserved for next year as well. Our family also stopped at the Creation Museum on our way back. all packed and ready to go Grandma Ellen, Aunt Sarah, Papaw Dave, and the kiddos all set to drive

Adelynne passed out before leaving Plainfield

We stopped at Not Just Popcorn on our way...over 200 flavors

Pool time

2010-06-18T08:37:00.003-04:00

My baby is 2!!!!! That's right, our third and final child is 2 years-old today. For me that thought is crazy in a few ways, one of my thoughts is, if my third child is 2, how old does that make my other 2? And, then I think, where in the world did these kids come from and why are they calling me mom?

Well, back to my original thought,

Nolan buggie has been with us for 2 years now, and what a 2 years it has been. This kid is a literal light to all he comes in contact with. Children and adults who come across Nolan are drawn to him. He's such a sweet spirit with a magnetic personality...it's so neat to see others interact with him. He truly is the definition of joy. Nolan is joy, he has joy, he brings so much of it. When I hold him and love on him I think about how sad I would be without him. He's the last piece of the puzzle that fits into our family perfectly...most days even, he's the glue that holds us all together...me together. In his short life, I've cried more than I ever have, have never had more fear and doubt...in his short life, he's been to more doctors I can count, has developed awesome relationships with his 3 therapists, has had 4 surgeries (with one being planned as we speak), and has fought tooth and nail for every single milestone he's achieved. But, along with that, the happy times he's brought us, quite frankly, make me forgot about all the bad. It's pure joy for me to watch him toddle around our house, make messes of cocoa mix and eggs from the trash, play in the toilet, take him diaper off and then poop and smear it down our hall (yuck!)...I think you get the picture! I love, adore, admire, would die for, desperately need this amazing kid.

Happy birthday sweet Nolan...our joy and light! Smooches to you on your day!

2010-05-30T21:45:00.008-04:00

When I watch these two together, I really can't describe how I feel. Brandon is truly the best daddy I know, but there is something so perfectly unique with how he interacts with Nolan. Could it be because the whole first year of Nolan's life, we all knew something was wrong and feared it to be something very serious? Possibly. Could it be that last September, we both feared losing him during his cranial reconstruction? Possibly. Could it be that I spent a whole year nursing Nolan, and now he's over that and prefers his daddy over mommy? Sigh. Possibly. I definitely question God giving me a child with special needs, most days I don't feel cut out for it. But, I say with assurance that there's no one better for Nolan Levi than Brandon Levi. Quite frankly, when I share my fears and concerns with Brandon about Nolan, he's quick to remind me that "we can't think like that." He's the one to tell me how awesome Nolan is and how much joy he brings to him. He's full of kisses, admiration, love, compassion and affection...and it's clear Nolan feels the same.

Crap!

2010-05-30T21:29:00.011-04:00

I completely forgot that Aubrey had her prek graduation almost 2 weeks ago. Oops! Here are some highlights.

Cheap entertainment

2010-05-30T21:02:00.009-04:00

There is never a dull moment around here. There is never a day where the house is all clean, where the laundry is complete, or a night where I don't go to bed dead dog tired. I don't always apprecaite that, but, tonight I am. I finally downloaded pictures from the camera and came across the last few weeks of our life in pictures. I can't believe how crazy our lives are right now, but when I sit and giggle at these pictures and think about how blessed I am, I'll go to bed tonight weary, but thankful for the fun that's to come tomorrow.

Williams Syndrome Awareness Week

2010-05-13T09:57:00.003-04:00

When Brandon and I started our family almost 6 years ago, having a sick child or one with special needs never once entered my mind as a possibility. That was something that happened to other people. But, here were are with our family complete, with 1 of our children being special needs...ugh, I cringe at that term, but, the reality is...that is our reality. I've joined the Williams Syndrome Association on facebook and was alerted to the fact that this week is Williams Syndrome Awareness week. I have no idea who reads this blog (or that anyone even does), but I want to encourage anyone reading this to become familiar with Williams syndrome and other special needs. I feel now more that ever since it affects our family directly, it is so very important to become aware of special needs children and how it affects their loved ones. I would encourage you also to become familiar with WS if you know and love Nolan so that you can pray for the physical issues and surgery possibilities, and most importantly so that you can rejoice in the progress he makes due to his working so hard. WS is not what defines Nolan, but, he is a child with Williams, and how great it would be if all who know and love him were familiar with his condition.

If it would have been my choice, I would have given birth to a Nolan without WS, but, that was not what God had planned or intended for our family. So, on this week of becoming aware of WS, I'm also going to celebrate it, because I don't know what Nolan would be like without it...and quite frankly, I love that kid and couldn't imagine him any other way.

2010-05-11T14:33:00.003-04:00

28 years ago this past Tuesday, May 11th, my best friend, and the greatest man I know was born. Brandon Levi, all 9 lbs and 2 oz of him with red hair, came into the world after an agonizing labor and delivery (sorry Susan:), but thank you). I'm so thankful for this man, I can't really express it verbally. We've been together 10 years this year and each day I am more and more thankful for him. Here are a few reasons why he is the best.

Everday he wakes up and goes to work, willingly, happily to support our family.

He's an attentive daddy who will play outside, cuddle on the couch, play dress up, bathe, and read books.

He's hilarious. We laugh together every day...most nights even, we talk in bed before we fall asleep and many times it ends in laughter.

He makes dinner when he knows I've "had enough."

He's tidy for a man ;) (thanks again Susan:)

Last night, after a long day, and I was blue, he walked up behind me and gave me a hug and held me for a little while.

He prefers his family over "guy time."

He told me last night Aubrey growing up is hard for him and that he'd like to keep her in a bubble.

He lets me grocery shop alone.

I love his bald head and freckles.

I love that after he disciplines one of the kids, he loves on them.

I love that he loves me.

I love that he loves the Lord.

I just plain love him and am so thankful that he was born...May 11th 1982.
Happy Birthday babe!

Back to square one

2010-04-27T14:17:00.004-04:00

Nolan and I made the trip to Riley last Tuesday to meet with Dr. Neely, Nolan's eye doctor. Dr. Neely was a little discouraged that Nolan's eyes seem to be starting to cross again. He thought they still looked better than before his January eye muscle surgery, but still not totally pleased with the result. So, back to square one...glasses. ugh! We bought him another pair of glasses as his first pair are now too small post cranial reconstruction last September. Nolan absolutely hates them...and I mean hate. Most times I can't even get them on him, as he's pulling them off as I'm putting them on. I think I put them back on him 12 times in a half hour yesterday morning. If we can't get Nolan to keep his glasses on, our second option, again, will be the surgery...again...I'm sorry, did I mention again?

Ok, so enough of the formal medical updates. Nolan is walking about 50% of the time and looking more and more comfortable with it. He's also signing a lot. He knows, drink, more, please, all done, eat, night night, clean-up, play, go, but his favorite is "No." :) My little easy going boy has developed a two-year old personality with tantrums, fits, and hitting. I think most parents would stress about this, but, as his physical therapist says, "Hey, it's developmentally appropriate for his age," and for that we are thankful.

2010-04-16T13:09:00.001-04:00

Honestly, there's never been a better daddy. Brandon was able to take off work yesterday to attend a field trip with Aubrey. I'll post more pictures about that another time, but wanted to share this.

Grandparents day

2010-04-13T10:32:00.005-04:00

Aubrey had the pleasure of hosting her grandparents for a breakfast at her school recently. Aubrey with grandpa Dave and grandma Ellen.

Grandma Susan and Aubrey.
Here is Aubrey with her very best friend Sarah. Such sweet girls.

T R O U B L E

2010-04-13T10:26:00.007-04:00

He's learned from the best how to cause trouble. Thanks Adelynne! :)

2010-04-05T16:33:00.001-04:00

Brandon thinks Aubrey looks like she's entering Air Force One here. I do think she looks rather Presidential ;) Wouldn't surprise me if one day she walked down that road...I mean, she is her father's daughter.

Some of my favs from Easter weekend...

2010-04-05T16:29:00.008-04:00

2010-04-02T14:26:00.004-04:00

"Adelynne, it's time to go.""Adie, no pouting."
"Come on babe, smile please."

"That's better...thanks!"

2010-03-31T19:22:00.005-04:00

Sometimes...

pictures...

can completely...

speak...

for themselves.

Has anyone seen Megan?

2010-03-18T19:16:00.003-04:00

I've tried my hardest to be positive and look upon things with gratefulness and thanksgiving, but, if we're being honest, I've really been struggling the last 5-6 weeks. The reason I haven't been blogging is because I've been such a mix of emotion and sometimes anger, I haven't been able to sort it all out for myself, let alone to blog about it. I know I know, I could just blog about what's happening with the kids, or just post pics, but, I can't really even get up the gumption to do that either. This is my attempt to share, focus how I'm feeling into order by writing about it, and to let some of you know, that I'm not always able to look at things in a positive light...I struggle too.

I wonder if since Nolan's Williams syndrome diagnosis (June 3rd) if I've been in denial of some form. After a few weeks of crying post diagnosis, I woke up one day "snapped" out of it, if you will. It feels like through my part-time job at the daycare and through other events recently, I've been made completely aware of our reality...man, denial was so much better. God, is there a reason you insist to continue to remind me of this? Really, I'm just fine pretending nothing is wrong... I'm quite embarrassed to admit that I've even been angry. Why is it that I know so many people who have healthy baby after healthy baby? Then I think about people who haven't been able to have children, and I become mad at myself for being so selfish, and then I think, no, what we've been dealt is difficult and I'm entitled to struggle, right? I wonder then when someone I know has a baby, how long will it be before that child passes Nolan developmentally or in size...Brandon says I can't think like that. I know that, but, sometimes when it's right there in front of you, you can't help but think it. I've joined a couple of Williams syndrome groups on Facebook, and have looked through the pictures of adults with Williams and I think, there's no way...not my precious Nolan. It seems completely unfair to inflict on someone traits that make you look different that most other people, act differently, allow you to struggle with day to day activities. I still just don't understand.... I''m angry sometimes, this (Nolan being "special needs") will never go away for me, for us, for Nolan. We drive by a soccer field and see kids playing, and we're reminded, Nolan will probably never be able to do that. It's not like he's just not athletic and sports really aren't his thing, odds are, he won't be able to even try. Sometimes we'll be in a group at some function and he'll pull his sisters hair or something aggressive and someone will say, "look at that, he's going to be a football player." I've wanted to shout, "Do you even know what you're talking about??!?!?!?!" While he is always improving, we watch him struggle to learn to do just about everything. How many of you know what that's like?...watching your child struggle?

Just like with all 3 of my buddles, I want what's best for them, to be happy, to love the Lord, and to seek Him in all things. I'm trying to do this as well. I definitely feel the Lord working on me right now, but, I was feeling as though I was letting my blog readers down by not been honest while I'm in a valley. I know that all my struggling right now is not of the Lord, but rather Satan. Pray for me that I won't let him get a foothold. Thanks for listening everyone:)

Long Overdue

2010-02-16T13:33:00.002-05:00

We finally got the nerve to do it....well, actually, Brandon did. I wasn't home when he did it, and it's a good thing because I probably would have cried. He cut Nolan's hair. And not just any haircut, but, the first one since his cranial reconstruction in September. It needed cut so bad, but, each time Brandon went to do it, I panicked. It's only hair, I know, but, he worked so hard to grow it back after the surgery. Anyway, he looks great. Don't you think?BEFORE
AFTER

Beauty parlor anyone?

2010-02-05T15:45:00.002-05:00

Papaw Scott...TOTALLY...took one for the team :)

What to do?

2010-01-21T20:08:00.002-05:00

Well...it happened...those dreaded 3 words..." I HATE YOU!' I knew someday it would happen. Although it wasn't that long ago that I realized, my kids aren't perfect? Yes, the interrogative sentence, that also came along with a gasp is very important...I never thought one of my offspring would say such a thing. Both of my girls jumped at the same time and bonked heads. My then, not very outspoken redhead shouted, "I hate you!" to her sister. I then, very abruptly took her by the hand and took her to her bedroom and informed her that when I felt as though I could talk to her without losing my head I would be back, but, in the mean time...you'd better not move off that rug. She cried and yelled from the bedroom...because, she, (like no one else I know) doesn't know when to stop and just be quiet. Long story short, after lots of tears and dramatic crying, and dishing out the punishment of going to bed early (I opted for not spanking her as to try and avoid doing it out of anger)...alone, she apologized, prayed and asked God for forgiveness, and asked the forgiveness of her sister.
She cried when I left the room...

It made me sad...

Why is parenting so hard?

Hopefully a lesson learned.

New view!

2010-01-14T15:02:00.003-05:00

Look my eyes are straight!

One week ago Dr. Neely cut into Nolan bugs eyeballs and straightened his eyes. Can you believe that? ...Amazing the gifts God has given people. He's recovering well and we are loving the new look.

2010-01-10T20:56:00.006-05:00

There is something I must confess to all of you, my blog readers...it's not really a secret, those of you who know me well are aware, that I am 100%, unequivocally, helplessly, unapologetically, thankfully, so in love with a man named Brandon Paschal. This guy, quite honestly, since the very first time I "spoke" with him on instant messenger 9 years ago, had my heart. After just a few dates with him, I knew I loved him. He was 18 (oh my) and I was 21...so young...honestly, sometimes now, it seems crazy to me. It wasn't too long into dating that I knew then that I wanted what I have now, and that's a happy marriage and a family with him. We've been through a few trails of our own in our 7 years of marriage, and I am thankful that only by the Lords grace and mercy, and his perfect plan, those trails have only strengthened our marriage.

The weekend before Christmas, all 3 kiddos headed back to the Lafayette area for a weekend with grandparents. One night with one set of grandparents and another night with the other set and Aunt Sarah. We had, holy cow, and entire 48 hours to ourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We Christmas shopped, grocery shopped, saw a movie, got new cell phones for free, did a few things around the house....we even ate at the Cheesecake Factory. We've had a gift card for there for 2 years!!!...and we finally got a chance to use it. Brandon also surprised me with a carriage ride downtown Indy. I've never done that before and it was so neat.

Here we are about to start the ride.
A shot of the Circle.
7 years ago on December 21st, I scored. I remember that day as unseasonably warm for December and being so thankful for the sunshine. I don't remember a whole lot about the day, as it was such a whirlwind, but one thing I do remember is the feeling of peace. A peace of knowing that only God had brought us together, that God had purposed Brandon for me, and I for him from even before we were born. A peace in knowing that God would use us. Who knew that less that 2 years later Aubrey would arrive, and 2 years after that Adelynne would arrive, and then in 9 months we would move, and 6 months after that God would bless us again with Nolan? It's been a great ride with some trying times, but I am so grateful to have been able to experience it all with him. Happy 7th anniversary, Brandon Levi, the love of my life.

No words needed

2010-01-10T12:45:00.002-05:00

MIA

2010-01-08T17:44:00.017-05:00

I have been somewhat MIA in the blog world for a few months now. I'd like to tell you that we've been busy, and that's true, but, it's really because I've had somewhat of a writers block. I've had in my head that I shouldn't blog unless I have something worthwhile or witty to say. But, I've decided that just ain't so. So, I'm going to try and update everyone on our life the last few weeks with pictures.We spent the few days after Thanksgiving decorating the house for Christmas.

We tried to take some "at home" family Christmas pictures.
Aubrey performed in a Christmas program for preschool. She was "that kid."...and "that kid" would be the one who picked their nose in front of everyone. :)
And of course, we celebrated Christmas with family. We've been to 6 thus far, and have one more next weekend.
Aubrey loves her new Tag Reader and books that grandma Ellen and papaw Dave got her.
Grammie Susan and papaw Scott with all the gradkids
All the Paschal kiddos: Aubrey (5), Adelynne (3), Autumn (2), Blake (5), Nolan (18 months)
Nolie bug enjoying the wrapping paper
These are all the Freeland great grand kids: Lilia (6), Ella (11 mo.), Drew (4), Aubrey (5), Nolan (18 mo.), Ty (5), Adelynne (3), Dylan (2)
Nolan enojyed watching the snow fall :)

Nolan update

2010-01-05T07:57:00.005-05:00

Nolan is having surgery on his eyes' muscles Thursday. The surgery will hopefully strengthen the muscles so that he doesn't cross his eyes. The glasses he's been wearing were helping some, but his doctor wasn't happy enough with the progress.

On a more encouraging note, Nolan had struggled with 4 ear infections from October to late November. We were looking into having tubes put in. But, in a last ditch effort, we decided to go back to Nolan's chiropractor to see what he might think. Well, after 2 adjustments, 1 pill of Anthronex (a natural antihistamine) a day, and 2 drops of L-trans (a natural gland drainer) in his milk a day, his ears have been clear for around 3 weeks! Yippee.

While discouraged about this upcoming surgery, let's reminisce...

This is Nolan 1 year ago...expressionless (he hadn't smiled yet at 7 months), limp, weak, not sitting up...not even close really, but sweet...

Today, he's full of expression, hilarious, mimicking, signing, jabbering, naughty (caught him eating toilet paper out of the toilet last night...eeeewwwww:), busy, into everything, ready to walk any day, perfect, perfect for our family, a joy doesn't even scratch the surface...someone we can't live without...ours...

Thanking the Lord for Nolan today.

2009-12-09T16:24:00.004-05:00

So, my prayer last night was, "Lord, make the Williams syndrome go away." Is that terrible? Part of me thinks, He is the Almighty, and he could, so why not ask? On the other hand, I feel like a terrible mother asking the Lord to change Nolan...sweet precious Nolan. I can't help sometimes the sneaking insecurity that comes up when I think about the next few months, years, or when someone asks how old he is and we say, "seventeen months," and they say, "oh." I know they think he's younger than he is, and when they find out his age, I can see the wheels turning in their heads....Why isn't he walking? Why doesn't he talk more? Do I really care what someone else thinks? Not really, but, it's almost a reality check of what life is likely to be like with a child with special needs. When we're at home in our little bubble, I begin to drift back into denial. I suppose it's good to face reality, but it does present the moments of sadness and desperate prayers that the Lord will heal our boy. I don't feel that it's the Lords will for Nolan to live life without Williams syndrome. Sometimes in our weakness, we ask for what we want, knowing that the Lord will choose what's best, even if we don't understand it. What I do understand however, is my unconditional, crazy, teeth gritting love for this boy, and I know that's nothing compared to God's love for me.

Purple stars

2009-12-09T16:14:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure why, but for about 3months I would ask Adelynne what type of birthday party she would like. I was expecting responses such as, "Little Einsteins or Cailou." I would have even considered a princess party knowing she would choose that because she knows her sister would like it. But, instead, each time I asked her the reply was, "A purple star party." Really? Uuuhhh, ok? So, I submitted to the idea as I found it so cute that she knew exactly what she wanted. Her birthday isn't until the 16th, but we celebrated this past weekend. If she wants a purple star party, then, that's what she's going to get.

It's perfect

2009-12-09T16:08:00.005-05:00

Those were Aubrey's words when she saw our tree!

2009-11-12T13:25:00.002-05:00

Exhale...boy, am I tired. The definition of tired is: depleted of strength or energy...yep, that about sums it up. I am on day 13 of a sinus infection of some sort, and while the headache seems to be gone, I just can't wake up...all day...I'm "depleted of energy or strength."

Yet, in the midst of all this, a few exciting things have happened. #1 Nolan was approved for Children's Special Health Care Services. This is a supplemental insurance for children with special needs. Anything related to Nolan's diagnosis of Williams Syndrome will be covered under this plan once it has already been run through our primary insurance. Wawho!!!! This is big. When I got the written notice, it listed Nolan's cranial reconstruction surgery as being covered as well. While we weren't expecting that, there really was no great surprise as we knew the Lord's hand was in it. He's been providing in so many other ways as well, and we are just so grateful to have some of the medical bills burden lifted! Isn't God's faithfulness amazing?

#2 Opthomology last week told us that if we can get Nolan to keep his glasses on, we can hopefully forgo eye surgery. For the past few months, we've been putting a dilating (which also blurs vision) drop in his "good" eye. The purpose for that was to strengthen his weaker eye and force him to use it. Well, that worked and now we need to get his eyes to not cross when he looks at things up close...thus the glasses. For a week now, he's worn his glasses all day, everyday.

#3 We also had positive appointments with Developmental Pediatrics and Plastic Surgery last week.

...did I mention I've been sick?

#4 Aubrey and Adelynne fight over who's going to pray at mealtime. I've had several great opportunities to talk with Aubrey about sin and how it separates us from God. She's been consumed with that thought and has asked so many questions, and we've seen such a positive change in her.

...did I mention Nolan's had 4 ear infections since September and we're now looking at having to put tubes in his ears...more to come on that...

I was so encouraged last night at our prayer meeting and our study of Numbers 21. In this particular instance, the Israelites were on their journey to the Promised Land. They became tired of the manna that God was providing for them, so the began to whine and complain to Moses about their "unfortunate circumstances."
Today, I'm choosing not to be an Israelite. I am so incredibly thankful for my house, the food in my fridge, the clothes I have on, the sunshine, the fact that my husband isn't home because he's at work, my sweet kiddos of whom my oldest is really showing a sensitivity and awareness of Jesus. I am also so thankful for the lesson at prayer meeting last night, one that I needed to hear, as I was feeling discouraged. God always knows what we need...whether physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. Really, don't we have it good?

That figures Thursday

2009-11-12T09:51:00.004-05:00

Nolan likes slim fast powder (preferably vanilla)...you know...in case you were wondering.

Zoo Boo

2009-10-24T14:36:00.008-04:00

Here are a few pictures from our trip to the Zoo Boo... Adelynne, aka, Tinkerbelle :)

Aubrey as a rainbow princess
Nolan...my little punkin'
Our family Here we go...

Things for which I am thankful

2009-10-24T14:03:00.003-04:00

This week I find myself incredibly aware of my blessings...here are a few I'd like to share...

1. In this economy where people are continuing to lose jobs, the medical bills are coming in, but Brandon has 3 jobs. I'm not being sarcastic, really, we are so thankful for his jobs. I am so thankful for him that when times are tough, he works hard.

2. Nolan had his yearly review with First Steps on Tuesday. An occupational and physical therapist came and observed him and asked me questions about him. The same two ladies that looked at him 10 months ago came and were amazed at how good and healthy he looked. The PT, when looking at her list of kids for the day remembered Nolan because he was, "the baby that didn't smile." It made me sad to think about it that way, that my 6 month old baby didn't smile, but at the same time, it reminded me of how thankful I am for the personality that Nolan has developed. Not only does he smile, but he is such an expressionful kid. So, they assessed his gross motor, fine motor and his communication skills, and Nolan tested in his age category or barely just below in all the categories! I can't tell you how nice it was to answer "yes" to the majority of their questions. So, not only has he not fallen any more behind this last year developmentally, but he's actually made some ground. I know I've said it before, but this kid is amazing. Tell him he's got Williams syndrome and he'll prove it doesn't matter. Brandon and I are daily blown away by this tough, trouper of a kid.

3. Our church family that meets every Wednesday night and shares "God sightings" and prayer requests, and then with gratefulness and praise takes it all to Him in prayer. Someone also, is always willing to watch my little ones so that I can participate.

4. Brandon being on October break this past Thursday and Friday. With him working 4 nights a week after school, I can't tell you how nice it is to have had him home.

5. I was able to run 8 miles this week on the treadmill. Is my butt any smaller yet? oops...did I say that out loud:)

6. The girls and I made Halloween ghost and pumpkin cookies today.

7. For 2 very supportive sets of parents.

Overall, very thankful here...

2009-10-14T18:28:00.002-04:00

Christmas came early for Nolan thanks to a great deal at a garage sale today. Merry Christmas buddy boy!

Annual trip to the pumpkin patch

2009-10-13T10:42:00.008-04:00

Nolan loved standing at his pumpkin.

Aubrey found a friend. After all the excitement we got our apple cider slushies and headed home.

Thanks guys!

2009-10-13T10:18:00.004-04:00

In a moment of mom not totally being on her "A game", my girls gave Nolan chocolate. Thanks guys!
I think it's safe to say that he likes it.

Aubrey's 5th birthday

2009-10-13T10:00:00.008-04:00

That's right, our fiery little red head is now 5 years old. I still just can't believe it. On the 7th, she proudly declared, "Mom, I'm five now!"

Things about Aubrey that make her special...

Her witt, I mean, honestly, this kid is hilarious!

Her energy, I get tired just watching her:)

Her spunk, one might say I've given birth to my punishment.

Her compassion (mixed with a sassy mouth sometimes)

Her creativity, she's always making or creating something.

Her love for her dad. She worries about him when he mows in the dark:)

Her excitement in learning a new Bible verse a week. She loves going to church and Awana each week.

There are so many more.

Here are some pictures from her birthday party.

Pay close attention to the outfit she picked out :)

Aubrey and her princess castle cake.

Mommy and the birthday girl

Daddy and the princess

Happy birthday Aubrey Lynne, we love you!

Dad's night at school

2009-10-13T09:41:00.007-04:00

Thursday was "Dad's Night" at school. Silly Safari was there with all sorts of animals (snakes, hawks, and other creepies) for the dads and kiddos to enjoy. Brandon said Aubrey kept raising her hand to say something and the guy never called on her. So finally she just shouted, "Know what? You're crazy." Brandon said everyone laughed.

She's ready to go!

Daddy and Aubrey

Enjoying the show

Aubrey raising her hand
Aubrey petting the baby alligator

Class fieldtrip to Anderson's orchard

2009-10-13T09:28:00.007-04:00

Gosh, so much has been going on around here. We've had several exciting events, and I am going to attempt to catch you up on some of them. Aubrey had her first school field trip. We went to the apple orchard and grandma Susan was able to join us. Not only did they get to see and pick apples, but we got to see the red raspberries, chestnuts, and pumpkins. Here are a few of the highlights...

Aubrey with her sweet friend Sarah. We love her.

Picking the last of the red raspberries of the season.

Nolan and grandma Susan

Sweet

Adelynne in the pumpkin patch
Man, are we blessed or what?

Just sayin'...

2009-10-02T16:48:00.003-04:00

I caught this one drinking syrup straight out of the bottle this morning. Sick! Just sayin'...

3 weeks

2009-10-02T09:16:00.008-04:00

So many of you have asked for a current picture of Nolan to see how he's doing and his progress. He's still doing awesome! We are so very thankful and we have so much gratitude for the Great Healer and Physician. Only by His grace am I able to report such good news. Here are a few things Nolan has been up to... He's finding his way into the bathroom while the girls get their bath. He enjoys getting his clothes very wet playing in their water. Adelynne is clearly amused.

Man he's naughty.He's now able to make it into the kitchen (everywhere really) crawling. He enjoys ripping the fake grass out of my ficus tree.

The dude loves cheerios!

Nolan is turning into a little stinker these days. He's your typical crawling kid who is getting into everything. He says, "Na na na na," when you tell him "No!" He screamed bloody murder last night until Brandon got his milk ready. He's a fiery personality...gosh, I wonder where he gets that...who knows what he wants when he wants it. We are so thankful for it! Brandon and I were remembering last night that it was just February before this little guy even smiled and now he's expressive with loads of personality.

Count your blessings name them one by one...

For the inquiring mind

2009-09-24T13:30:00.007-04:00

Well, I found out today that the typical turd (yes, you heard me right, I said turd) washes and dries just fine. I pulled a load of clean laundry out of the dryer this morning (load #9 today) only to look into what I thought was an empty dryer, and found a turd...compliements of Adleynne.
Never a dull moment in a day for a stay-at-home momma.

lint ball on the left, turd on the right

Time to talk

2009-09-23T13:11:00.004-04:00

There comes a point, where (big sigh), you're ready to talk. About a month ago, I was ready. We were having a Saturday night worship service at our church and people were asked that if they wanted to give a testimony, to let the organizer know. So, about a week before, I committed. Big step... As I prepared that week...man it was hard. Not hard talking about the actual events of Nolan's diagnosis, but rather, hard becuase I wanted to be clear about what God has been doing in me rather than the pain and thoughness of the situation.

We've been so blessed at our new church here, and, when you find a church that you want to commit to, it's also (I think) important to let people into your life so that you can be ministered to. Someone very wise said to me not too long ago, "Everyone has a time in their life where they need to be ministered to, and this is yours." You never want to be that person who's always got a crisis, or be that new someone who comes in and says, "alright here we are and here's all of our baggage." But, in some ways, that just so happened to be where we were at the time, and our church has loved on us and cared for us in a way that I won't ever forget. They've been SUCH a blessing.

And thus, I decided to share with the church family, where we were. I share this now with you, all of my blog readers, as a way of saying...here we are, look what God's done, how great is He!

August 2009
When I first started putting this testimony down in words, I had a really hard time. I felt as though I was focusing too much on detail of the events that have brought is to this point, rather than what I was really wanting convey...how good God has been to us. My main focus is to share how we’ve seen the Lord through a trial in our lives and how He’s shown himself faithful to us.

First I have to start with some detail so that you know what I’m talking about, so here we go…
June 3, 2009 is a day that changed our family forever. We received news that a blood test for our Nolan came back positive for a chromosomal abnormality called Williams syndrome. My heart sank and cried, “no!” After a few minutes of getting the very basics from the doctor as well as an encouragement to call back once we had had some time to process it all, we hung up. It was nap time at our house and so it was quiet. Brandon and I sat in our living room in silence for a while and then reality set in. We went to the computer to research the syndrome some, and became very overwhelmed with the long term possible outcomes for Nolan bug. Along with any syndrome comes a laundry list of health and developmental problems. Some of these kids have stynosis, which means narrowing, of the arteries. They can also have kidney problems, a 75 % chance of some form of mental retardation, a lifelong delay of gross and fine motor skills, eye problems, etc, etc. Will he be able to go to a regular school? Will he be able to live independently as an adult? Brandon encouraged me to be informed, but at the same time not to dwell on what could be, because really doctors only can know so much. We set up a game plan to have Nolan seen by all the necessary specialists to insure that his body is healthy. Quite honestly, we’ve spent most of the summer seeing doctors and having tests run. Once we had a game plan, we decided this…nothing had changed. Nolan’s our boy, we are crazy in love with him, we’ll always do what’s best for him at all times, just like we do for the girls…it just might look a little different. I haven’t done any more research, in large part to protect myself, but also because I just can’t look at my Nolan all the time thinking about Williams. I don’t want this to define him as a person. Although at his age he should be crawling, Nolan doesn’t crawl yet because, well, he just hasn’t (Side note: How amazing is it that since I gave this testimony, Nolan bug is crawling!). When it’s his time, he’ll do it…not because he has Williams syndrome.

I’d be lying if I told you that those first few weeks after the diagnosis that I wasn’t angry. That I didn’t try to pinpoint a sin so great that God decided to discipline me for it by allowing me to give birth to a child with special needs. “I just don’t understand how this happens," came out of my mouth a lot. We have 2 perfectly healthy girls with no family history of anything like this…I just don’t get it! The odds of this happening are 1 in 20,000….and it’s us! Man! I just didn’t understand why God would allow us to conceive, only to allow us to watch our child struggle? I had never been so horribly sad in my life. I can’t do this Lord! You picked the wrong mom for Nolan! I just don’t understand…

Now I want to share what I’ve learned and where I am now.

First, Nolan is a complete blessing. He wakes happy, smiley and is generally always this way. He works hard during his 2 hours of therapy a week and is making wonderful progress, while not falling any further behind developmentally. How can I argue with that? Only by the grace of God, I can’t be sad, for many reasons, but especially because, he’s not. Through all this I’ve also learned that the only way you can explain the odds of 1 in 20,000, is God. Children are gifts from God, and that goes for Nolan too, even “flawed” by earthly standards. He gave Nolan to us specifically, intentionally; to not only teach us things, but also for God to use us for Him. I don’t know what that purpose is, and I may never know. One of my biggest concerns is watching Nolan struggle, or that fact that he’ll more than likely have a "hard life." But, what is normal? God is constantly changing my perspective on what’s “normal.” It’s easy to compare him to other kids his age and consider them as normal. But Nolan doesn’t seem to care that he’s not doing what they are doing quite yet. So, who’s attitude needs changed…mine, or Nolan’s?
If you ever need an earthly picture of unconditional love…watch our girls with Nolan. Their love and service for him is so perfectly childlike and innocent … it’s a daily reminder to me of how I should love and serve others. He’s their Nolan…nothing more nothing less. They don’t know he’s delayed or that he could be different than other kids. The compassion I see them developing for others is a blessing, one in which I wonder if they would have if it weren’t for Nolan.

I also know that God didn’t give us Nolan to punish us. He’s a loving God who wants what is best for his children, even if it means a hardship. He’s always working together for the good of those who love him. If I believe that, then I know that somehow God will turn all of this into good, because he’s promised that. If Nolan was a punishment, what does that say about Christ’s sacrifice on the cross? It would say that His dying covered most things, but not all things…and I know that’s not true. If you would have asked me 5 years ago what would be the worst thing that could happen to me, other than losing a child, it would have been this…a child with lifelong problems. Now, I can say it’s been a blessing and it’s taught me so much, just in 2 months .

Prior to June 3rd, the 2 previous years had been the hardest of my life. Our move here 2 years ago this December was incredibly difficult. We were officially on our own with the kids, no grandparents to help, no date nights, no friends, etc. Now I can see God moved us here in perfect timing to be close to Riley. God completely orchestrated that to ensure that we’d be close to all the right doctors. I knew from the moment Nolan was born something wasn’t quite right, and throughout the next year of wondering and waiting, it was borderline torture; sleepless nights, moments of sheer fear of possible outcomes. To finally have an answer, although tough to swallow, was somewhat of a relief. Ok, we have an answer…let’s move on already!

Some of my favorite song lyrics come from Bethany Dillon: the calmer of the sea, here in this room with me, so gently welcoming the weakest things in me. I’ve felt this a few times in the last few months. In my times of great despair and sadness, I’ve felt the Lord’s presence. Never in my life, as I’ve cried with a broken heart, have a felt such an overwhelming peace that I know only comes from the Lord. It’s so comforting to know that such a great and mighty God welcomes our weak moments, because it’s only in those moments where we fully learn to lean on Him by embracing His will I don’t want to be a “plastic person” with a fake smile, but rather I want to be able to say that it’s been hard, I’m broken, but man I can see the Lord in this.

Some dear friends of ours who counseled us after the news encouraged us to make a mission statement for our family. This is the legacy we want to teach and leave with our kids…Based on Romans 8, our family will choose to be thankful and “rejoice in our present sufferings (vs. 18).” “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (vs. 28). “ Christ’s sacrifice on the cross was sufficient for all” and therefore we know Nolan Levi was not a mistake, chance, or luck of the draw, punishment, etc, but rather a gift and an opportunity to be “conformed to the likeness of His Son (vs. 29).” “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword (vs. 35).” Christ loved us enough to die, we know that because of the cross. Nothing can separate us from Him. We will rejoice in our hardships because they are a reflection of His love.

Another shameful plug

2009-09-21T16:46:00.002-04:00

This plug for uncle Justin was caught on camera and 100% unorchestrated.. The singer is Aubrey, the door you're looking at is the bathroom door, and the song is uncle Justin's All Things New. Enjoy!

Justin Paschal

2009-09-21T12:46:00.002-04:00

It's come to my attention that our blog has become quite popular...so popular, I may have to start using code names and such. So, with that responsibility, I feel the need, and have the desire to shamelessly promote my brother-in-law's new CD:)

We had the privilege of attending his CD release party this weekend and we're so thankful to be able to do so. Especially considering that a week prior, Nolan was a swollen mess. But, because God so graciously has allowed Nolan's healing process to be so quick, we were able to attend.

For those who don't know, the way I initially met Brandon was through school. His family and mine lived in the same town, and actually his brother Justin and I are the same age (both hit the 30 year milestone this year). Justin and I still get a kick out of the fact that we "went out" (that's the technical Jr. high term, right?) when I was an eighth grader and he was a freshman. He says he still has a "love" note that I wrote him...I don't know about that:) And thus, my first encounter with the Paschal boys.

Justin has an amazing and powerful testimony, and it's so great to see someone using their God given gifts for His glory.

Check him out at:

http://www.digstation.com/AlbumDetails.aspx?albumID=ALB000034873
www.myspace.com/jpaschalmusic

Ok, I'm done with the shameful promoting:) Actually, I'm proud to do it.

The 2 Men in my Life

2009-09-18T08:33:00.000-04:00

These guys are two peas in a pod.